ShitMyRoommateSays

Hi we are Zach and Dan, we room together at Oregon State University, and these are simply the conversations that we have. @Zilliamson @Danwall_ace

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Dude, the other day I got a snapchat of two guys double teaming a girl."
"Dude...I'm on the phone with my mom."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Miss you man."

"K"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"She definitely wants me, she just doesnt know it yet."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"I want to fuck a Mom this weekend."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Started from the middle and... the middle i remain."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"You might be the second biggest pussy I've ever seen besides the one on Rosie O'Donnell."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"If Charlie Sheen asked me to snort some lines of cocaine with him, I probably would say yes."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"That guy is queer as a football bat"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Katy Perry? Yeah, Id put my balls in her eyes."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Im gonna get Forest Gump retarded drunk tonight"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Id take that girl to boner city and back"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"I always poop before i shower to conserve toilet paper."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"I think Im gonna masturbate tonight"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"For every person like me and you there is at least 100 swaggots"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Who gives a fuck about Valentines Day that's what they created Alcohol for"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Since you weren't here last night I may or may not have masturbated on your side of the room."

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Yeah Im gonna drop math I think im just gonna become a P.E teacher or something"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Dude, I may have to suck my first dick in college to get a better grade… Or beat the fuck out of this teacher. Ill let you know.'

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Id eat a bloody tampon to get famous"

[ShitMyRoommateSays @TheShittyFriend]

"Is it weird that i got a boner from watching that fat cow eat her own bloody tampon?.."