Captain Swordfish

👨‍✈️⚔️🐟, Nationally Ranked Bucket Golf Player, College Graduate, Max Credit score: 806

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

I'm all for Alix Earle's face, breasts, and body. But if you watch her Netflix special you have a slurpee brain and should have 3/5's vote

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Anyone else riding Daejon Love first TD?!?!

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Trinity Rodman puts on a wig and I suddenly forget she's black. And you know she a lil freaky cause her father is 🥜's. Anyway, 🪵

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

I don't care that Alex Bregman is Jewish he's good at baseball

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Recession indicator #clanker #wideeye

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Nothing quite compares to the bond formed between horse and rider 🏇

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

White boy weekend and America's 250th.... foreign uber drivers get up and moving around

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

JP Morgan exec did nothing wrong. The Indian guy got caught cheating on his wife and blamed her jugs.

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Sorry I've been off the burner I've been on the phone with the president #TIGER

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

TO Barrett and Mark Mitchell to GAZA

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

SEC IS A BASKETBALL CONFERENCE

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Some people just really want it more.

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Katniss shooting that apple in hunger games is like el Mencho getting capped by the Mexican gov. Now all the higher ups are paying attention. #Mexico #BadBunny

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

If you're a figure skater past the age of 12. Congrats you're within the top .5% of weirdest people on earth.

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

@AB84 Charlie Kirk

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

My buddy just looked me up on Twitter and nothing came up. I'm fucking shadow banned (banned) #WhereDidIGo

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Cause my momma don't like you but SHE LIKES SONG YADONG #yadong #ufc

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

Wine buzz is ELITE. To bad I have to literally work my fucking corporate j*b tmr

[Captain Swordfish @TheSwordfish31]

BEARS HAVE GRIT. NEVER A FUCKING DOUBT

[Tebogo Lebepe @BedardedBurner]

Drinking makes it easier to talk to women but it definitely doesn’t maker it easier to listen to em.