Thomas Mann

“Does not play well with others.”

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

Today I bribed the maintenance guy to put a coworkers mouse in the vending machine

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@lyssdono We have different ideas of what green tastes like

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@ToshpointtA 😘😘

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@KorHayyy It was only yesterday :( 9 dollars for their 3 wick!

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

Never in my life did I think I’d get a text from my brother informing me that bath and body works has a sale on candles... and that I’d actually buy some

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

So is 25 too old to go trick or treating? It’s been a tough year.

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@juliahaley61 @beccaliz516 Chip Skylark is a national treasure

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

The security guard at Premier Gourmet congratulated me on getting my cast off! On an unrelated note, I apparently drink too much 🍻

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@WieandThisBitch This really bummed me out

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@lyssdono Fuck off

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

I don’t understand why people panic bought all the toilet paper at wegmans... like are we seriously prepping for doomsday? Does coronavirus make you shit uncomfortably? I buy toilet paper once a year people and you BOUGHT IT ALL #ineededit

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

He walks up to my car...
PO - I am assuming you know why I pulled you over
Me - To be fair, I pulled myself over.
He left, ran my license. Came back just laughed a little and said “So we good?”

I think about that moment a lot

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

A couple weeks ago, I was driving to work running late. Speeding down Main st. I saw a police officer in his car, basically waiting for me. Without hesitation, I pulled over before he had even moved or put his lights on.

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@WieandThisBitch I really appreciate the fact that your cover photo is a picture that we had to photoshop you into 😂

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

There should be adult Trick or Treat where we hand out those tiny bottles of Tito’s, little bottles of wine, and edibles. Just a though.

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

Immediately after he left, she starts laughing to the point of almost crying and says “he just asked me when I was not going to be busy going out with you, so I could have fun with him... and then he started yelling his number at me” 😂😂😂

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

Tonight, I went on a date with a lovely young lady. While we were out, I had noticed a co-worker from a job I’d recently left. We exchanged pleasantries, briefly. I left to go to the bathroom, when I had returned... he was “trying to sell her a car”.

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

I didn’t realize I had a fear of commitment until movie theatres starter making you pick your seat ahead of time #SpiderManFarFromHome

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@WilliamMann01 It appears not

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@samanthafleurr I thought it meant they were into butt stuff?

[Thomas Mann @TheTomMann]

@amandataylor096 Not to kill your dreams : https://t.co/XTD0ZZTR1u