The Turnt Turtle

By the time you're done reading this you could have done something more important with your life but i guess its too late now so you should just follow us.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

We all know a dumbass named Obama.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus...and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE LIFE CHOICES I STILL COUNT USING MY FINGERS

AND I STILL SING THE WHOLE ALPHABET TO SEE WHAT LETTER COMES NEXT.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

I have many talents...

For example: Sleeping.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I've commited a crime.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Retweeting this because you're bored.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Retweet if you did.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

My new Muslim friend is the bomb

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

I don't get older. I level up.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Statistics show that the best time to wear a striped sweater....Is all the time

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Ellen Degeneres for president 2016

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

I have childhood memories that i'm not 100% sure actually happened or if i dreamed them i really do not know.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

i never understood in tv shows when they accidentally sent a text msg to the whole school, like who has everybody in the schools number??

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents? Man thats ludacris!

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

2,800 teenage girls get pregnant everyday. Retweet if you like pancakes.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

When I die, I hope I get to see my killcam.

[The Turnt Turtle @TheTurntTurtle]

Ellen's Oscar selfie from behind