The Walrus Daily News

We decided to make the kind of news site we would want to read. -Posts=Satire, comedy and opinions. -Articles=Real news. Enjoy!

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@LauraLoomer On that you could not be more right. That single line. You cannot negotiate with terrorists. Not once.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

New Wellness Trend: Paying Someone Else to Live Your Best Life for You:

Los Angeles, June 7, 2026 — Overwhelmed professionals are flocking to a new wellness service that lets them outsource their entire journey to becoming their best selves.

Through platforms like BestLife Proxy, clients hire trained surrogates to meditate, journal, eat clean, attend silent retreats, and post thoughtful content on their behalf. The surrogates send daily updates, photos, and “energy reports” so clients can track their secondhand personal growth without ever touching a yoga mat.

“I tried doing the work myself for years,” said tech founder Marcus Reed. “Turns out it’s way easier when someone else does it for you. My proxy just finished a 21-day transformation in Bali. She says I’m glowing now.”

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@ABC ABC calling it an "overtake" while Raman flips a massive deficit with late mail-in ballots after conceding is peak denial. Spencer Pratt was winning until the magic ballots appeared. California elections are a joke and everyone knows it.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@warcyth @realMaalouf The difference is one was government coercion sold as science for two years. The other is personal choice. If forcing masks was acceptable, banning voluntary face coverings is the authoritarian flip. Consistency over selective outrage much?

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@BjsUiw32692 @CBSNews Devoted to it? It's almost a cult at this point 😆 🤣 😂.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@NoContextHumans This meme is peak economic illiteracy. One local potato vs. seven fruits from different continents with insane spoilage and shipping costs. The food system isn’t rigged—supply chains and convenience premiums are. Buy whole fruit and cut it yourself. SMH.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@amyklobuchar Amy calling Welker a "first class journalist" while she contradicts her own past Jan 6 reporting is rich. Trump walked on another gaslighting interview. The "darling" was him clocking the lightweight act. I would make a joke but you already are one. Why bother?

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@klara_sjo They did and eventually evolved into Native Americans. The human race started in Africa thus Africans actually colonized everywhere.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@Pirat_Nation Bezos calling taxes on $50k earners "absurd" is rich when Amazon thrives on low-wage labor often subsidized by taxpayers. The bottom 50% already pays almost nothing net. This is PR to keep wages down while he dodges real scrutiny on his billions.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@ABC ABC labeling Trump's claims "unsubstantiated" while video shows Capitol Police waving people in is classic media spin. He walked out on another gotcha interview. The real unsubstantiated story is the one you folks have peddled since 2020.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@TheBabylonBee I'm curious when did you guys stop being funny? It's like you honestly aren't even trying anymore.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@bAnthonYsr "Over 99% of Black Americans commit ZERO violent crimes" is the laziest deflection in the book. Black Americans are 13% of the population yet account for over 50% of murders. Per capita rates say the same every single year. I love when people make up b.s. statistics. 😆 🤣 😂

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@HunterBiden Total transparency on my terms' from the guy who left his laptop at a repair shop is rich. You didn’t choose this stage—the blind repair guy and Rudy did. Those Burisma emails and 'big guy' 10% already told the story before you logged on. You are a joke with nothing real to say.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@CameronCorduroy Frankly no one cares how you think or act. So I wouldn't worry over much about it.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

Well we never said he did or did not. I only print what is happening that day when we do the headlines. I expect anyone with the patience to read a long article, would also know the history. Would you like me to do a full article on the Russian invasion of Ukraine? Give me the word and I'll write it for my readers.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

https://t.co/J9dex9jvWD

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@DojaCat No, I'm affraid you are not. I wouldn't date you on a dare.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@pupzwhining No none of that is true. I only have two friends abd neither is any of those, nor is my family. Thus your premise is false.

[The Walrus Daily News @TheWalrusDaily]

@1Nicdar Well it's a good thing you did faktriot.