Jordan Sim

Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever the fuck you were going to do anyway

[MrBeast @MrBeast]

I’m going to give 10 random people who retweet this tweet $10,000 EACH! You must be following @Pulte and me so we can dm you if you win $10,000! Ends in 72 hours, will show proof ❤️

[brooke @brookeab]

I'll give $2,000 to a random person who retweets this within the next 72 hours.

Winner must be following @brookeab & @dnpthree (so we can DM you).

Good luck!

[CRAYATOR @crayator]

“Don’t touch your face you’ll get Coronavirus”
Mateihaveafuckingmoustache

[Tyler? @SassyRabbitDad]

Imagine coming to the greatest city on earth. Standing in front of a Christmas light show on a 5 story historic building. And you’re recording it on a flip phone. #NewYorkNewYork

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

Can we all just take a minute to realize that Snapmaps is just a real life version of the Marauder’s Map?

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

@MrBali9 2 things, one their goes my fucking bracket. Two, have you noticed you’ve tweeted over ten thousand times?

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

A wise man once said: “Trying over and over again isn’t failing. It’s when you give up and say you can’t do it is when you fail. Trying is the steps to success.”

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

And says, "The best thing about woman, they are born every day"

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

She leaves and this guy just asks for a bud light, bartender says I think you pissed her off and this guy takes a sip of his beer

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

Listening to an interesting fight in this small town bar I'm in, last words I hear the girl say is "IM GOING TO FUCKING CALGARY WITHOUT YOU"

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

Girl the only thing you're gonna be for the rest of your life is a bar star, get over yourself 😂

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

The best part about being alive is when people judge you on someone else's opinion of you

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

If you want to see someone's true colours, take em golfing

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

My neighbors' safe-word is, Hufflepuff. I only know this because I happened to jog past their bedroom window for an hour.

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

This is a public service announcement to @MrBali9 :

You're a cunt.

That is all.

[Jordan Sim @TheeJordanSim]

Drinking and having your phone is a more dangerous combination then taking a bath with batteries