Erin

Reading. Writing.
Liberal. Nonbinary. They/Them.

🏳️‍🌈📚

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I've never been good at math. Adding is just impossible; my love doesn't stick even when I dump a full bottle of glue over our two hearts. All I can manage is #division. I try to love you and my heart splits anew, right down the middle, until I'm fractured.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

@SSaeidnia 😸 Thank you!!

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

"I want a #serval."

"Several what?"

"No, a serval. You know, the African wild cat."

"You shouldn't own wild cats. They're wild."

"I know. That's why I want to work at a zoo."

"So you can work with a serval?"

"Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get to work with several."

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

@PinguSinatra Thank you! (The several servals I'm imagining right now thank you too!)

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I expected to sense the #amarok. To hear four footfalls padding, or perhaps the scrape of a soft growl. I didn't think it would use #mimicry to become my shadow in the dark. It even killed in my style, a single claw run through my eye. I'd use an arrow, but still. Clean.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

The water is still. My spear is heavy after hours spent holding it aloft. I don't let my arm drop.

There. A shine in the water. A #parrotfish? Perhaps a wrasse? The moonlight isn't bright enough to tell.

Wait. Wait. Release!

Blood. Finally, after days lost, I'll eat.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I lie on my side, bend my knees, hug my arms to my chest. If I #hibernate through winter I won't have to mourn. Everyone will assume I felt the passage of time, the loss of you, and will stop pitying us.

We can talk in the spring. No one has to know I can still see you.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I never knew about a #kelpie before, I swear. I only found out by asking. I said, "Hey horse, what are you?"

He had water-ears. "How old are you, human?"

I said 6 and he snorted. "Say I'm a kelpie. They'll never believe you anyway."

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

Know
I
have
heart,
don't
think
I'm
not
trying.

I
care
a
lot,
I'm
no
good
at
lying.

One
may
be
both,
slow
and
quick
in
the
mind.

Though
I'm
a
#sloth,
please
to
me
be
kind.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I can hear it, sharpening it's fangs, just over that ridge. It's waiting for my bullet. I'll sling the body over my shoulder and bring it back to town. We'll celebrate. I'll be the first person to bag a #wolpertinger. No one will say I'm obsessed once I have it's pelt.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

Your*

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

"You're nickname's weird."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Most would go by Chris. Topher, maybe."

"My mom's a #zoophilist, not a Chris-alis."

"So she calls you Alot?"

"I'm #Ocelot. It's a wild cat."

"Ocelotta nonsense, if you ask me."

"No one did."

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I didn't think about what graduating would mean. Moving across country for one of the few jobs I'm not overqualified for, forcing you to change careers.

Oh, you won't come with me?

You thought I knew our relationship was about to expire?

Shit. I #want a redo.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

You promised me you'd never #change. I took your words as a guarantee, a promise that we'd never need anything more than our small rented house, our simple work, our shared goals.

I was wrong. Now I want more.

Is it too late for us? Can you change to match what I want?

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

"You have a #doppelganger! Have you met her yet?"

Now I can say yes. Only she isn't similar to me, she is me. We even have the same constellation of freckles on our necks.

I've always felt separate from my peers, like a socially awkward alien. Is this proof I'm fake?

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

"There is no #difference between a surprise party and a regular party."

"Are you kidding? Those aren't the same at all."

"What's different?"

"My anxiety."

"Yeah, planning is stressful."

"Not for me. But walking into a darkened room full of my friends? Forget it."

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

I dream about rubbing chalk over my vibrant #shadow, working until it's dark as mud. When I wake I know I'll be surrounded by a shifting version of myself in bright pink.

I wish I was normal. I wish the dream trick worked.

If I close my eyes I can half-believe it will.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

On our fourth date Ammit shows me a small #charm she carries as a reminder of her past.

"Why an anatomical heart?" I ask.

The air cools and stills. Night comes in an instant as her eyes shift to reptilian green.

She speaks.

"I once tasted the impure. I miss it."

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

@MariaAPerez1 Nice, I'll look you up! The only one I don't use is FB.

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

My life flickers, ink images dancing on flipped pages. When I see my child, in the corner of a big emotional #moment, I stop going forward. His feelings are almost undetectable.

Sad.
Lonely.

I can't relive my life. I can only watch me neglect him over and over again.

#vss365

[Erin @TheyAWriter]

@MariaAPerez1 Glad you, uh, liked it? 😁

Also I just followed you on Mastodon. I'm having a much easier time finding posts by people I follow over there (my understanding of The Twitter algorithm is chaotic, lol) so hopefully I'll come across more of your writing now!