ThingsTheySayOutLoud

Dedicated to the many crazy ass things my dad and his wife say out loud.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

Before leaving dinner last night, DW came over and, without asking, rubbed her fingers through my hair. She reminded me that a year ago I was bald from chemo. “And now you have thick, luscious hair again.” Not appropriate, lady. Not. Appropriate.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

My house is under renovation so Bro and SIL hosted Friday night dinner. DW questioned my decision not to put a garbage disposal in the new kitchen or at least wire for one. “Because the next people who buy the house might want one.” 🙄

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

First order of business after getting off plane was to get to my house to pick up the giant bottle of scotch they left when they were last here. Wouldn’t want to go a night without it! 🙄

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

Dad (D) and Dad’s (DW) are back in town for two weeks “to visit friends and family. It’s been one day and I’m already exhausted.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

A) Imagine saying that to a kid 😱😕 and B) it’s full of all kinds of irony coming from her.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

As I was packing up to leave today I could hear DW giving my dear, sweet SIL instructions on how to wash a dish. She and my bro will be there until Sunday so they may share more content.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

My bro and I were in the pool alone yesterday and he told me that he distinctly remembers that as a child DW said to him, “If someone interrupts your story three times, they don’t want to hear what you have to say.”

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

We were at a place conducive to eating with your fingers (shrimp, crab, etc). And the guests she invited to dinner ate their whole meal without more than a fork. As near as I can tell, they are quite civilized.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

DW to the server at tonight’s dinner: “Could I have a knife, please?”

Server: A knife?

DW: “Yes, a knife. I eat my food like a civilized person.”

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

DW: “Well yeah, what else was she going to do in those cold winter nights. There was no TV and nothing else to do. And if she went to bed she knew grandpa was gonna wanna do it, so…”

😳

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

While cleaning up lunch today I mentioned a set of dish towels my grandpa gave me. They were embroidered like the kind my grandma would have made if she’d bee alive.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

D uses this joking/ribbing to passively aggressively comment on bro’s weight. And it’s bullsh*t.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

When D was a bit larger and had a belly, he named it “Leon.” He would pat it and say, “Leon is getting larger,” and kinda chuckle.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

Bro just told him he was NOT getting bigger and kinda laughed it off.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

DW to Bro: “Keto is NOT a diet. It is a lifestyle.”

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

We’re going for Tex-Mex. DW let us know she’s making an exception for the chips at this place.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

DW to D: “Everyone is ready but you.”

We’re going to lunch. She is extremely hungry because she refuses to eat before noon. So the rest of us shall suffer her hangriness.

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

DW, as I’m getting ready for bed: “Sometimes we see a scorpion. If you do, just smash it with your shoe. They usually aren’t bigger than your pinky.” 😳

[ThingsTheySayOutLoud @TheySaidOutLoud]

DW: “Everything okay back there?”
Me: Yep, just putting some more air in my bed…