Things Judah Says

My son is the funniest person I know.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

S: Dad, help.
Me: What is it?
S: Remember that candy from earlier?
Me: Yes.
S: Well, I accidentally took the rest of the candy out on purpose. Can I go ahead and eat it?
Me: 🤦🏽‍♂️

#accidentallyonpurpose
#atleastheasked
#SimonSays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

The boys received tons of Valentines yesterday. Many of them were filled with candy. This morning, S brought me a Whitman’s sampler (don’t act like you don’t know what that is), and asked me to open it. I did and told him he could have ONE PIECE.

Five minutes later....

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Last night, the small one said the blessing before dinner...

"Dear God, thank you for this day. Thank you for our many blessings. Please may we move into a house with a ballpit. In Jesus name, Amen"

Me: 🤣

#simonsays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

S: Mom, can we have cupcakes?
Mom: We don't have cupcakes. We've got sugar cookies.
S: Only sugar cookies?!? Why not cupcakes.
Mom: Son, we don't have cupcakes. Dad would have to go to the store.
S: Well, he can go then.

#simonsays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

3 y/o little brother saying the blessing last night, over a meal of sirloin, brown rice, and broccoli:

Dear God, please let mommy and daddy know how much I’d like for this meal to be spaghetti and meatballs.

Mission accomplished.

#SimonSays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Davii’s working yesterday and texts me: “S can watch the iPad once he picks up his toys.”
S, comes into where I am and says, “Dad, can I have the iPad?”
Me: “Mom says you can have it after you pick up the toys.”
S: “Did you actually hear her say that?”
Me: 😳🤦🏻‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️
#SimonSays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Walk into the bathroom the other night and this kid is laid back in the tub:

Me: Boy, you sure are relaxing.
Him: Dad, how about getting me some of that fruit you put on your eyes. That would make it better.
Me: 😂😂😂

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

I'm learning to push myself in the swing. I don't want anybody to touch me and give me Corona Flu.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Baby bro is funny, too.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Pork taco night at home.
Little brother: This taco is like a parade in my mouth.
#hesnotwrong #SimonSays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

In the car on the way to school:
Him: "Dad, can I have a tissue?"
Me: <gives tissue>
Him: <blows nose> "Here daddy" <handing me the tissue>
Me: Dude that's gross.
Him: Please take it. You can put it in the trash.
Me: <takes the tissue>
Him: "Ha! Now you've got Corona Virus!"

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

J: Can brother stay at daycare all through Thanksgiving?
Me: No buddy. Why would you say that?
J: I feel like I'm probably gonna get in trouble if he's home with us.
Me: We'll, you don't have to.
J: It just feels like it's my job to hurt him.
Me: 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

#bigbrother

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Little brother is funny, too. #SimonSays

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Kissing is gross.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Don't bury me yet, son.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

Where's the lie?

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

It's not always funny stuff.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

These 2 are like a comedy show.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

The little one is funny too.

[Things Judah Says @ThingsJudahSays]

The math checks out.