tired_tom

Writer. Improviser. Bio Minimalist.

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

@EvanRobertsWFAN 1999 is why I'm the Mets fan I am today. Being 13 years old during that dramatic run, with that lovable team, is what I still chase and this team is definitely similar. However it ends, there are little boys and girls all over NY becoming obsessed for life.

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

@HowieRose More people Work from home these days.
Coming from the suburbs or the outer boroughs rather than from the office in Manhattan where you can just hop on the 7.

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Really feels like the framers were burnt out from creating the other two and decided to phone it in on judicial branch

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Frank Capra once said, "screenwriting is the toughest part of the whole raquet... that's why I say fuck it let's improv this thing" #Oscars

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Fan theory: Dunkirk and Darkest Hour exist in the same cinematic universe. #Oscars

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

No curling club in Brooklyn is a god damn oversight.

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

The #SuperBowl was an interesting opening act to this bitchin JT concert.

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

I hope to see a lot of grass stained kneecaps tomorrow before the first snap. #TakeAKnee

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

If the risk of going blind didn't stop me from touching myself, Im not sure why you u think it'll stop me now. I'm looking up. #Eclipse2017

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

We retake Ba Sing See on my mark... #SolarEclipse2017

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

I'm going to look directly at this fucking thing, ain't I? #SolarEclipse2017

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Fests ranked: 1) Oktoberfest 2)#nycimprovfest 3) lobsterfest ... 2243) something called clownfest

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Everyone's life can be broken down into two periods: Before they saw #twinsuns and after. #threemoves

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

8 improv shows in 9 days. Let's do this

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

ABC exec: There's not a single conservative watching let's hit that We Rise Up ad hard. #oscars

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

We have officially entered the singularity. #ElectionNight

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Trump is bringing back Law and Order. I hope they can get Sam Waterston back. #gopconvention

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

Maybe if some rare #PokemonGO show up at a polling place this November millennials will actually vote.

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Hey, if Boris Johnson won’t be Britain’s PM, maybe he can be Trump’s stunt double during fight scenes?

[tired_tom @ThomasVenito]

If you're a New Yorker & you see @tedcruz today, it's your civic duty to grab your genitals & yell "I got your New York values right here!"