Chris Pringles

I live tweet my 'friends' dates so my followers can stay updated on their love life. Friends is in quotes cause Sam's more of an acquaintance really #EasyTarget

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Romantic Dates With Allen: "Let's go skinny dipping!" #AllenTheClosestPoolIsTheOneAtTheAparmentComplex #TheOneThatYouManage #ThisIsNotOkay

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Sam knew that wind tunnel skydiving was a good idea. #TooBadSheWorePants #GoodThingSamWoreTheDress #LikeMarylinMonroeButSexier

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Romantic Dates With Allen: "Let's go to the delivery room!" #WhereLifeBegins #SoWhichKidDoYouWantHoney

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Man. It'd be a shame if the heart-rate-escalation alarm I installed in Sam's shirt went off at an inopportune moment. #NotTooClose #Surprise

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

It's hard to come up with all of these in just 15 minutes. #LuckilyImAPro #Halftime

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Allen forgot to shower today. #ThatsNotImportantWhenYoureMarried #Grease2

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Sam forgot to shower today. #ThatsImportantWhenYoureDating #Grease

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Stephanie remembered why she married him: Allen can pound down eight tacos at once. #ThanksForTheReminder #ThatsCanonNow

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

That hike in the woods sure took a turn when Sam got mauled by that bear. #GrislyGrizzly #NoFaceNoMore #DoesThisMeanWereNotKissingTonight

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Uh, oh. Allen forgot how to date again. #SheeNeedsToBeThereTooYouKnow #Loneliness

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

"So how long has it been since YOU kissed a girl?" #ThatsNotAppropriateSam #ThatsNotEvenApplicable

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Some say I can't watch two dates at once. Some say that binoculars are really just two telescopes. #WhoSaysThat #ISaysThat

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

"I think pearl harbor could have been better with fewer action scenes and more complicated romantic sub-plots" -Sam, just now. #Classy

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Leave it to Sam to pick up a date two hours late. #AdmiralPunctuality

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

@ThongInMyHeart Ooh, harsh bud.

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

"I just don't know if I can share a toothbrush holder with anyone else without forgetting which toothbrush is mine" -Sam #ExistentialHorror

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Sam's version of being cultured consists almost entirely of naming all the characters of Homestar Runner. #EvenTheMinorOnes #EvenTheMinors

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Are they gonna kiss?

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Looks like that spaghetti-in-both-mouths kiss thing is a lot harder to do with a full baguette. #Carbs #Frenching

[Chris Pringles @ThongInMyHeart]

Sam had better not be reading these with his date. #DontMakeMeGetTheSteakFork #YouveSeenWhatICanDoWithTheSteakFork #WhatsHeGonnaDoMan #Help