Thor Shreddington

Musician, Writer, Comedian, Gamer, ⟧V⟦etalhead, Nerd, Scientist, Scholar, Philosopher, Adventurer, Lover, Fighter, Father, American, Patriot.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@pureMetatron Someone probably asked him to turn down the mumble rap he was playing on his shitty phone at max volume. So, you know, self-defense and such...

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@ArcherCat17 @scotsawaydays LMFAO, cunt blocked me.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@ArcherCat17 @scotsawaydays This is America.
Also, they are literally labeled.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@jk_rowling Aye, an do ye know why they call it a kilt? Because they kilt every last man that called it a skirt!

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

Stateside, a gas station. I drank a frozen blue beverage too quickly, and was struck down by a punishment this entire nation knows, and accepts, and has named.

The drink is called a slush. Ice, sweetness, and a blue that does not occur in nature. The day was hot. I was thirsty. I drank like a soldier at a river.

The pain arrived in my skull like a war horn.

Behind the eyes. Above everything. Total. I gripped the roof of my car. I may have made a sound.

"Brain freeze," said the cashier through the door, with no urgency whatsoever.

It has a NAME. The affliction is so common it has a household name, like a cousin.

"Tongue on the roof of your mouth," called a man at the pumps. He did not look over. He prescribed the remedy mid-pump, casually, the way one mentions weather.

I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. The war horn faded. The healer nodded at his pump, finished, and was gone in a Chevrolet.

In my land, punishment follows crime by way of courts and seasons. Here, the sentence is instant. Drink with greed, and the ice strikes the mind directly. No trial. No appeal. Perfectly fair.

And here is what moves me. EVERYONE has felt it. The cashier. The healer. Children. Elders. An entire nation united by the same small lightning, all taught the same cure, all passing it on to strangers at gas stations, free of charge.

You cannot fully distrust a country once you know it shares one pain.

The freeze does not punish thirst. It punishes haste.

I finished the slush slowly, like a scholar. Blue tongue. Clear mind.

Then at the door I forgot everything, drank deeply, and was struck down again.

"Tongue, hon," said the cashier, without looking up.

Discipline is a journey.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@jk_rowling @damekatydenise_ Ha! Fucking smoked!

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@greengirlbella_ It's nice to not have to stand in line in front of everybody else, explaining your explosive diarrhea issues to a pharmacist.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@ZeekArkham

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@rizzolosophy Not gonna lie, I 100% expected bro to be a complete douchebag, but dude is spitting facts. Some grown-ass men out there acting like they're still 15 and in love with someone who doesn't value them at all. If that's what you use to measure your own self-worth, you're fucked.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@retardssj4

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@SeeRacists Isn't it a bit fucking weird that they always seem to have a look? Like, if someone said picture 8 people running an underground pedo/animal sex dungeon (not a phrase I ever thought I'd find myself typing), they look the fucking part man. Woodchipper all of 'em!

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@femalebodybuil6 "Huh?"

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@RealJamesWoods Definitely Market Garden!

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@theMakarioz Wait... is she wearing an actual sausage casing?

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@SteveLovesAmmo Yeah... plus there are definitely a few states in both 1 & 3 that would come along for the ride.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@HustleBitch_

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@TheOnlyDSC Wouldn't it be fucking ironic if the last thing Karmelo sees is some huge tatted up white boy sticking a shiv in his ribs and calling him a slur? Poetic justice if you will...

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@AmiriKing They didn't even see the sign. Got to be careful walking around in the Wishanigga Woods.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@RinoTheBouncer Oh thank fuck. Normally, it would be some horrible dark abode or some distant battlefield, but the last thing I played today was Dave the Diver, so I'm kicking back laying on a beach waiting to open my sushi restaurant.

[Thor Shreddington @ThorShreds]

@EndWokeness Oh buddy, I promise you don't want actual frontier justice or there will be new decorations hanging everywhere...