Smelly Tavalas

I like to tell people that the spatula was named after a town in Italy, and then wait to see how long it takes them to whip out their phone to see if I'm lying.

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

Hey @espn. Somebody actually won the Canadian Open yesterday. It is now Monday, and the story is not accessible from your homepage nor from your PGA Tour page.

His name is @BudCauley. Your golf coverage sucks. And don't get me started on how you completely ignore the @LPGA

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@Alsboringtweets Evan kept saying "no comment" and he thought by doing that, he was channeling Don Rickles

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@BostonConnr Quarters provide more utility and if you keep a roll of them in your pocket, the hostess at Olive Garden will give you extra breadsticks. If you try that with a roll of dimes, I suggest you focus on P.F. Chang's.

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@ShaunMorash @NFL "First time, long time. How do blind people know when they are done wiping their ass? I'll hang up and listen."

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@BenStiller Polo!

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@BenStiller Where?

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@Fact I don't care for that school of thought.

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@SBN_Ricky Ayo serious?

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@BenStiller It's not my fault. We didn't have to share this chimichanga.

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@Fact Apparently Diddy didn't take that for an answer

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@espn @MLB He got Jiggy with it

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@Fact But they say "Pull my finger" immediately before

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@nypost With the way his defense plays, I assumed it was a swallow.

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@stephenasmith @CameronNewton He should lean into the mirror when picking out his clothes

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@WhiteCastle Not to mention a weathered yet fully functional plunger

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@shalomshuli @YouTube He was great in "Throw Momma From The Train"

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@ProFootballTalk In other news, Milf Hunter has been sidelined with a strained urethra. Back to you in the studio, Boomer.

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@Fact You should have saved this post for Hanukkah

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@shalomshuli Hey let's all go down to the soup kitchen and talk this out

[Smelly Tavalas @ThroneThoughts2]

@ThatEricAlper Anything containing Yoko Ono