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be weird and own it

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

Joe Rogan was the guy in high school that would argue with the teacher but then not be able to grasp algebra 2

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

Everyone pray for my sister. She’s ok, she’s just a cunt.

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

These kids did not see their moms in mom jeans in the 90s and it shows.

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

Haven’t received a single “Happy Thanksgiving” group text today. I’m really glad we’ve grown past that as a society 🤣

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

Do you pronounce Laboratory in your head like Dexter from Dexters lab or are you normal?

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

What if we ALL stopped paying taxes? They can’t throw us all in jail…

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

That awkward moment when the bartender asks for your card and you give him your ID but he means your credit card 🙃

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

About 6 years ago my cousin tried to tell me global warming isn’t real because Iceland is warm and Greenland is Icy. To this day that is still the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard and I think about it all the time, Chelsea.

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

I joined a FB group for construction workers and I would highly recommend the comments of any one of those posts on a rainy day 10/10

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

One day you wake up and realize you made it 🥰

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

How do I politely tell my coworker that if I see a winkey faces in his texts to me one more time I’m knocking his head off

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

So one thing I forgot about being in a relationship is dealing with someone else’s bullshit 🙃🙃

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

I raised my ex and he didn’t even tell me happy Mother’s Day. Rude.

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

An old man at the bar just asked for a Zima and the bartender went straight for the Smirnoff Ice 😂 old man has no idea what year it is, but she seems used to this shit? God I miss bartending

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

They say money can’t buy happiness but I just bought 4 books so I know that’s a lie

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

It’s so rude that I have to work for a living

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

If I live past 35 just know that was not the plan

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

I shit you not, my grandma just sent “these are some cute pornstar names” in the family group chat

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

Tramps in the west end: the bartender is also the cook and if you order food she’s gunna cuss you out to your face and tell you she isn’t putting shit on your burger. 11/10 highly recommend “customer service is not my top priority today”

[🍄 @TiffyHamilton]

Normalize being mean to old men who aren’t funny 💕