Grace Windu

Stand-up comic. Mother. Ham.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

I'm currently trying to convince my wife to quit her job so we can be the oldest people at music festivals this summer.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Hey, I don't know who you've got on your social media but @MarkJCarney has better people.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Hey @westerndigital
I have a very old WDGreen drive I forgot about that has been spun up, screaming, for years in a server and it's starting to go down. I don't
know if you offer a warrior's
burial service or anything but this
little guy deserves one.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

R.I.P. @BrianReganComic
(I know it's not scaffold but close enough)

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

As a guy that plays ranged characters in the Elder Scrolls fantasy games, it seems only fair that I play a melee character in the Starfield far-future sci-fi game.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Folks everywhere else are telling me to post this here. So...here?

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Trying to rock a fat shit at Keen's and your dad just ripped more ass than I knew existed. I am literally poopin' and pop-pop immasculates me like it's fuckin' nothing

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

If @NoahKahan was super into @CallofDuty
"I ain't proud of all the cunts that I've pwned"
...
I'll leave.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Me blasting RTJ - I don't even care about this Drake and Kendrick beef. I listen to real shit.
*Track ends*
Also me - "With your baby mama at the crib I blow her back out
Shawty Filipino and she call me Manny Pacquiao
Alley-oop without the hoop they call me Jerry Stackhouse"

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Maybe if Jesus started the sermon on the mount with "Ooh ah ah ah ah" people would still care.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Had to put our dog down on Monday. My wife and I just ate a pint of Hagen Daaz with cocaine spoons. We're fine.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Of all the years for JFL to file for bankruptcy, they pick the year they finally book me for the gala!

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

@Irish_Creem That's beans on toast. That's for the poor Brits. The wealthy add bangers.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Use his scrotum as a built in condom and finger his prostate through the front.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

This won't make any sense but I need to catalogue it:
I just watched my elderly malamute lift his leg and have his dick fart like 4 times before releasing urine. What do I do?

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Let me be the ground beneath your wings.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Some of you haven't driven for days to do a one-nighter where they don't get cell service and had the locals remind you that there's no hospitals or cops for hours and it shows.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Trying to write new stuff but all I've got written down is
"Diolent Viarrhea"

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

I have access to far too many credit cards to be a "money isn't real" drunk.

[Grace Windu @TigeWright]

Imagine for a moment that you wake up as Jennifer Lawrence. How would you feel in that moment?
That's how @JLawrence_RepUs feels everyday.