Steph K

alive and…well?

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

I have the attention span of a pinto bean and a pinto bean has no attention span so

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

a chiropractor is not enough I need to be deboned like a chicken

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Might settle down for a meaningful or heart wrenching movie tonight. It’s that time of the month where I need to make myself feel something. Get the sentient part of my brain exercising a bit.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

I need a venn diagram of my top 10 fears from when I was 9 vs 22 cause I think it would be an interesting comparison and I also definitely still fear George Lopez from Sharkboy and Lavagirl

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

I forget that (some) men really really suck sometimes

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Pt.2: my favorite pre-concert activity is eating enough lo mein to kill 3 men before stuffing my ass into my concert attire (and feeling absolutely atrocious doing it)

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

My favorite post-work activity is eating enough chicken to kill a man, taking a 3 hour nap and then feeling atrocious at the gym.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

I have never been more convinced that people don’t have jobs/lives as well as morals than on Black Fridays

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Listen I don’t think I could ever win a fight but I SCRAP okay?? Like I could do some damage fs.

Would defs get my ass beat tho

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Reason #??? that I don’t like men sometimes: this bro told me it’s silly that I’m scared of men and that my fear of getting raped at a nightclub was unreasonable. Oh and we were sitting next to a girl who was a rape victim.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Imagine being in a weird social situation, shrugging it off and going home to tell your family about it just to see your ass air on What Would You Do as the “person who walked away” or some shit

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Bob is short for Bobbert, Mike is short for Microwave and Garrett is short for Cigarette.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Every morning when I turn on my gecko’s light I sing “good morning (silly endearing term)” and she just opens one eye, sticks her tongue out, and goes back to sleep. It’s my favorite part of every single day.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

this girl flirted me up in the club and instead of reciprocating the energy I said “I’m gonna go get pizza ☝️” and we never interacted again. Just take away my rights as a queer. Take me off commission. I’ve done a disservice to the entire LGBT community.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

Typical expressions (boring):
- gosh
- by golly
- wow

Alternatives:
- butter me silly
- sweet finger lickin heavens
- well beenies on my weenie how about that

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

@Makenna__Mason omfg…🫢

[Mollie Goodfellow @hansmollman]

block me if you want but I’m excited for it to get colder at night so I can truly be on my snug as a bug in a rug game

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

This guy at the gym had a hilarious DILF shirt and I kept glancing over but it was making him visibly self conscious so I approached him and told him his shirt was funny and he immediately relaxed and smiled and we chatted. It was very sweet 🥹

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

the mfs at the gym have got some RANCID farts man. Is it the protein? The roids? Why the hell does it smell like 3-week old trash 😭

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

@esperanzuhhh Just do it and blame it on one of the kids

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

I have 2 sides: a very rational side that is wise enough to know I’m young and things are gonna be fine and the other side is 110% sure nothing is fine and ever will be and they are constantly elbowing each other for the spotlight.

[Steph K @TimeForRice]

@Makenna__Mason whoa 😯