LaughOutLoudQuotes

Here to make you laugh! Some material is not original.

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¿uʍop ǝpısdn sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ noʎ ʇɐɥʇ ǝɯosǝʍɐ os ʇsnf noʎ ǝɹɐ 'ɹo ¿pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ ɹo ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ǝɥʇ dıןɟ noʎ pıp ˙˙˙os

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Think of a number between 0 and 120. Add 12 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 8. Now close your eyes. It's dark, isn't it?

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How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.

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"Sh*t, I failed." "Me too!" HIGH FIVE.

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Worlds Shortest Joke: 2 women were sitting quietly..

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When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change but the direction I'm walking in.

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What's the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leaving the plunger in the toilet.

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Today: I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas"

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@_AlanGarner_: "Did you just fall?" - "No, I attacked the floor." - "Backwards?" - "I know, I know. I'm talented."

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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Sometimes, when I close my eyes... I can't see anything.

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A suicide bomber: Everyone has 1 minute to get out of the pet store! Turtle: You bastard.

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Haahahahahabananahahahahaha!!! RT if you didnt notice I hide a 'banana' in the middle"

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Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

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How do you make an electrician sad?

You kill his family.

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Peeta, is that a baguette in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me
~Katniss Everdeen

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Without ME, it's just AWESO.

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If i slap you with a dictionary, is it consider a physical or verbal assult?

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What did the Ocean say to the other Ocean?...Nothing they just Waved...Did you Sea what I did there?...I'm Shore you did, Beach

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"You're just like a barbie.." "Awww, tall & beautiful?!" "No, plastic & brainless"