TimesNewGinger

jr. mint scout, troup 0999

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Girl at bar:
were you a gifted kid too?

Me:
*putting on chapstick with as much suave aloofness as a Godard protagonist smoking a cigarette*

I AM a gifted kid

*turns and knocks glass over spilling amaretto sour all over the bar*

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Dreams are the number one funniest thing to lie about. Zero risk zero reward. Just in it for the love of the game.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

The McDonald's holiday pie is really like "and they all fell for it"

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

I...
I don't understand..?
Is it a pillow? Or a pet??
???

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

In the liquor store buying a big bottle with no written labeling or marks of any kind except "XXX"

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Gonna call religious iconography 'fanart' at the Thanksgiving dinner table this year.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Ed Gerallen Poe

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Thinking about the guy who looked at early airplanes and thought, "Yeah.. we can definitely put some machine guns on this thing"

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

If you don't have a trove of trinkets this isn't going to work out.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

When I get my hands on Werner Herzog I'm putting him in the life-sized promotional Barbie box.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

I went to look for the lobby ice machine in Hilberts Hotel, and this elevator is taking FOREVER. 😫😫😫💀💀💀

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Analyst? Gay.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Just found a bunch of old photos of Charlie Chaplin with a HITLER STACHE??! I can no longer in good conscience support him or his work. This is a sad day for slap-stick. #disappointed

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

@strategerydept My drivers ed teacher was a retired cop who would make me drive around while he recited literally hundreds of 'dead baby' jokes.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

@RixlerTrixter Did you get a prenup?

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

I remember watching zootopia when it came out and thinking little of it, but now any image on the internet of Judy hops, however mundane, floods me with fear.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Does anyone remember when Rick and Morty was like, a big deal?

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

"This Machine Kills Fascists" sticker slapped on the side of my enormous mechanized 'fash slasher 3000'

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

Found a few really nice stickers with the exact colors styles and designs I wanted and was so excited to put them on my laptop and I went over to the counter to check out and promptly woke up and man if my day isn't ruined.

[TimesNewGinger @TimesNewGinger]

"I have a headache and my tummy hurts :("

Yeah well, when was the last time you found a big stick in the forest and pretended to be a wizard?