Timmy Anzalone

I'm not lame.

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

The future of Twitter is imbued with great uncertainty. With this in mind, I think it is time to tweet what could be my magnum opus.

This is the plot to my horse movie titled, “Peaches”. 🧵

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

Gun violence is reprehensible, but we will probably see more action taken against it in response to this, as opposed to when this type of stuff happens to children in elementary schools.

[Jake Hanrahan @Jake_Hanrahan]

UnitedHealthcare (health insurance company) CEO Brian Thompson gunned down in midtown Manhattan. He died.

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

At 2-8, my fantasy football team is absolute dog-water, but I could easily be .500 this season. Here’s how:

🧵1/256

[The 33rd Team @The33rdTeamFB]

The Chiefs are undefeated, but very easily could be under .500 this season

A thread on how their season could have been flipped upside down

🧵 1/9

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

@lucy_shaver Come over to Haley and I’s place! We’ve got starbursts and mini M&Ms right now

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

@JDVance Look in the mirror.

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

A weather-machine-gone-bad is the plot of a Disney Channel Original Movie, and there is a sitting member of Congress who believes in it

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

@nikanzatoad Nothing like an ice cold coca-cola soda, or similar

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

Baby Gronk no! They’re Costco guys! They’ll kill you!

[DramaAlert @DramaAlert]

BABY GRONK DROPS DISS TRACK ON RIZZLER AND COST-CO GUYS ‼️

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

Raygun won’t see your tweets dissing their sweet moves, but your friends getting into amateur competitive breakdancing will

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

Is this anything?

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

The man is an oracle

[Josh Reynolds @JoshReynolds24]

All jokes aside, this has to be studied… Nick Castellanos going deep every single time there is a tragedy or something newsworthy is legitimately unlike anything I’ve ever seen in sports history. There can’t be any type of logical explanation. No words.

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

I did not realize we had adopted Whoville into the Union

[John F. Kennedy Jr @RealJohnJohnKJR]

Literally what is this

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

@SamanthaJoint @ 8:00am?!?!

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

Me when I met @HaleyMueller12

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

It is a bad day to be a jaguar

[T.J. Moe @TJMoe28]

Not a word Harrison Butker says here should be remotely controversial. He’s 100% correct.

Those trying to convince women that being assistant VP of lending & intentionally childless at age 40 is more fulfilling than making a family and home are evil.

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

This is what they wrote the X-Men about

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

@lucy_shaver

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

@stlsportscntrl Cards win game 1 in a gutsy 1-0 shutout and then lose the next two by a combined 13 runs

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

You guys have GOT to watch Season 25 of Survivor

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

Just finished “Anyone But You”. I don’t remember much, but I’m so glad Natasha Bedingfield got her flowers

[Timmy Anzalone @TimmyAnzalone]

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