TimothyJCantrell

Aspiring penguin enthusiast He/Him

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Are you telling me this house in the Australian Outback is made of steak?

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

“Actually, I’m Frankenstein’s Monster. Anyway, you should try this double mango IPA from this new brewery. It’s-”

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Having a dog is great except when old people take it as an invitation to have conversations like “You have a dog? Here lemme tell you about how all of my dogs in my life have died.”

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Why do some Jeeps have those angry headlights? Like you’re a car, what are you mad about?

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Hiking through straight aways: haha yeah this is awesome!

Hiking through switchbacks: what the fuck? This sucks. Why do I put myself through this?

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Girls say this and then get upset when I do a bit where I’m a goblin with a Jersey accent for the 15th time that day.

[latke @latkedelrey]

girls want one thing and it’s a cute smart slightly silly man with glasses

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

“Oops! Im eating all the blueberries instead of putting them in the pancakes!” My wife’s memoir.

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

@francescalyn That’s why I do Irish coffees, cut out the middle-man

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

I like tweets with dogs doing silly stuff so I can show my wife later before we go to bed

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

It’s wild that a bunch of guys wanna control some else’s uterus when they don’t even know where the clit is.

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

@wrightmjosh Been wondering if it was good. I’m sold now!!

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Oh my god guys @CountVonCount is back!

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Guys @CountVonCount hasn’t tweeted in like a week and I’m concerned about him. Someone should go check up on him. Can someone tell me how to get to Sesame St.? Please it could be life or death.

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Mrs. Yoders closed down. I couldn’t give a fuck about what happened at the Oscars.

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

@KohlerAndy

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Forgot my Fitbit at home so now when I need to know the time I have to look at my phone like some kind of caveman

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Was seeing if I could bring my dog into the library and

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

The King of the Dead : Who enters my domain?
Aragorn : One that will hold you true to your oath.
13yo me swaddled in a blanket sitting cross legged on the floor with controller in hand and chips nearby: And me!

[Allie Goertz @AllieGoertz]

[Shot of 13yo me playing Lord of the Rings Return of the King on PS2]

NARRATOR: I didn’t know it yet, but this would be the happiest time of my life.

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

Applied to a job that’s actually in a creative field! Fingers crossed!!

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours a day I think about how quality of life would be greatly improved for everyone in Virginia if we had a sophisticated high speed rail system in the state

[TimothyJCantrell @TimothyC_VCU]

A comedians job is to drink one too many mango IPAs and bomb their set.