Tim Cook Parody

This account is a parody and not affiliated with Tim Cook or Apple Inc.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

If you’re wondering why there isn’t a black iPhone 17 Pro, it’s because we plan on releasing in 6 months to boost our stagnant sales.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

I can’t remember the last time I blinked in one of our videos.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

The only reason we listened to you all and made a matte black MacBook Pro after all these years is because we’re desperate and under pressure from the shareholders to increase our lacklustre Mac sales.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

I’m bored of Apple.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

I’m financially ruined.

[Mark Gurman @markgurman]

Apple CEO Tim Cook’s pay will fall over 40% in 2023 (from $99.4 million to $49 million) after shareholder feedback and a recommendation from Cook after that feedback. https://t.co/qTtGmiAYz7.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

We sell the same shit every year. Even I can’t tell whether these phones are from this year or last year…

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

Are parody accounts allowed, or not? Asking for a friend.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

It’s my birthday, so do me a favor and buy all of our products to give Apple stock a boost.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

AirPods Ultra

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

I only get my bonus if Apple’s stock price goes up, so please buy the 1TB iPhone 14 Pro Max in every color. Thanks.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

❌ Notch

✅ Static Peninsula

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

Android: “the notch is ugly 🤮”

Apple: “it’s a ✨feature✨”

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

It’s not called a notch anymore; It’s now called ‘that bar thingy’.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

Money

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

Don’t bother watching the iPhone event. I’ll tell you everything you need to know: nothing will change except for the price which will be higher than before.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

The Apple Watch Pro will have an M2 Max chip.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

If you think the Apple Watch Pro is huge, wait until you see the Apple Watch Pro Max. Spoiler: It’s bigger than the Studio Display.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

We’re not going to increase the price of the iPhone, we’re just going to get rid of the cheap models so that you’re forced to buy the expensive models.

[Tim Cook Parody @TimothyCookothy]

Don’t get excited for the iPhone event. 87% of it will be about how the camera got slightly better.