✮ Jule ✮

໒꒰ྀི｡- ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ | edtwt attempting recov AGAIN| 19 🧠🫀
170cm/52kg
gw: 45kg/bmi 15.8

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

@byearix I was bloated af but thank you 🥲

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Gay and drunk and fat and lonely

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I would give so much money for you to pull me out of a group of people just to make out somewhere again lol but i dont matter anymore because you know ill be there

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I get it you dont want people to know we are “together” or whatever but i wish you would want them too know, i wish it was important to you that everyone knows we belong together the way its important to me

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I wish i was loved again, i wish i was the person you singled out in a room again, i wish you would fight to get my attention again, i feel like im just a person you know now

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I wish i was loved again, i wish i was the person you singled out in a room again, i wish you would fight to get my attention again, i feel like im just a person you know now

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Nvm maybe i do like recovery

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I am delusional i keep thinking i will wake up and all the calories will catch up to me at once and i will gain 10kg over night . And i want to study biology who am i kidding im insane

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Yes i work out but i burn a max of 130 cals when i do ALOT, i hit like 8k steps max most of the week, WHAT i happening is this the teenageboy metabolism everyone raves about

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

This is insanity man either im severely overestimating how much i eat or my body is defying all thermodynamic laws i have literally not gained a gram of actual fat since my massive binge at my parents place and i have been eating like 2500 minimum everyday

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

This is insanity man either im severely overestimating how much i eat or my body is defying all thermodynamic laws i have literally not gained a gram of actual fat since my massive binge at my parents place and i have been eating like 2500 minimum everyday

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Im literally so tired of it my body does the exact opposite of what its supposed to do EVERYTIME im trying to eat balanced and healthy (atleast a bit) but im ONLY CRAVING SUGAR AND APPARENTLY THATS WHAT MY BODY NEEDS TO BE NORMAL FOR ONCE

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Overate to incredible extents yesterday, practically only had pastries/carbs and a few veggies, was bloated and uncomfortable the whole day and today i wake up, have not gained weight, shit, and have felt the most unbloated i have in months. What is wrong with my body

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Overate to incredible extents yesterday, practically only had pastries/carbs and a few veggies, was bloated and uncomfortable the whole day and today i wake up, have not gained weight, shit, and have felt the most unbloated i have in months. What is wrong with my body

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Ed behaviours that i cannot get rid of for the live of me:
-bodychecking constantly i dont even register it
-spending so much time in supermarkets/on websites
-sometimes estimating calories (also subconsciously)
-really obsessed with high protein/low carbs

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I hate my life i hate my body i hate recovery i want to feel numb and small i hate this i am so fucking fat i want to throw up, i feel the fat everywhere i cant stop comparing myself to how i looked before even though the scale hasnt changed i just feel fatter everyday

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I wish i could atleast have food and just eat to comfort nyself but i feel sick and my fear of throwing up is stronger so now im just breaking down trying to find something that gives me any amount of dopamine HAHAHAH MY LIFE IS WORTH NOTHING

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I genuinely just cancalled plans with friends just to sit here omfg im gonna kill myself i cannot have ONE GOOD FUCKING DAY everything is ruined my friends are leaving me on read understandably so because i am such a massive fuck up i want to fucking die

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

I am actually goinv to off myself im such a bad friend everyone will leave me because i am trapped in this fucking apartment and everytime i try to have a good day and go out i cant i just cant do this isolation shit anymore

[✮ Jule ✮ @TobeeToby]

Bro i judst dont believe that i have 16%bf like i look sooo skinnyfat i dont get it my scale is LYING

[Mudit @muditfx]

— Žižek, on not obsessing with psychoanalyzing oneself all the time

[jini @milkjea]

do you see me?

[zoë @zoeloveshouses]

the concept of wanting to kill yourself because you want to live your life so badly but you can’t