Toby Davis

Alive Since Birth
Comedian/Writer Find me on and and at

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Brilliant

[LongTime🤓FirstTime👨‍💻 @LongTimeHistory]

Teacher calls ICE to have kindergartener deported—says parents look like "they don't belong here."

"I know schools... this is an area you wouldn't normally see Hispanics—they belong in the city."

Ben Palmer has a hotline to report immigrants—people call thinking it's legitimate

He talked to a kindergarten teacher who wants to deport a family with a 6-year-old kindergartener who is currently a student at her school.

"I just think it's very odd for them to even be here," teacher explains.

"You normally don't see people around here that look like they're born in another country... I know schools, and I know the whole law about schools."

[Cohen is a ghost @skullmandible]

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

@SheaSerrano Can he play?

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

#CVS has a pretty special offer going on right now for their customers

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

@TobyForSD Lose my name please

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Shout out to an OG

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

.@UhhYeahDude I'm a few weeks behind but I made sure to get you guys a number 1 spot on a podcast list a few years ago before this Times debacle. Been listening since 2010. Much love to Schneer and Laterne. 2006 for life https://t.co/JdXxxdvCzP #UYD #UYD4LIFE

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Forget about the price of eggs
Let's talk about Big Cardboard. UPS was going to charge me $65 for a 30" square cardboard box. Lol what a grift

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

What I would give to just have a reporter simply follow this statement up with a genuinely concerned, "What?"

[Wild content @Nocapmedia]

DUDE

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Even the virtual assistant for the DMV has a wait time of 3 to 5 business days

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Just start building the barn 200 feet to the left at the start of the building process. The Amish are obsessed with moving barns

[FearBuck @FearedBuck]

800 Amish men in Ohio were seen lifting and carrying an entire barn 200 feet without using a single piece of heavy machinery 😳
https://t.co/fSU5MHQHHV

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Nathan Fielder is a comedic genius. Modern day Andy Kaufman stuff here

[jordan @JordanUhl]

"The Miracle Over the Mojave"

[Aaron 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 @Aaronnn_96]

Give this man the cheese roll ballon d’Or immediately

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Not a single person on set to tell this guy how to properly hold an Xbox controller? Absolutely unhinged way to wield a controller #Anora #Xbox

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Google recommending that I can celebrate my 36th birthday as a "Golden Birthday" if my birthday falls on the 36th day of the month. We are so cooked.

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

@LantaDavis Fair counter. It's more of a slight on the secret bookshelf passageway owner that's banking on the idea that no one would possibly have the inclination to grab a book from their bookcase

[Toby Davis @TobyDavisComedy]

Interesting that top secret rooms are often depicted as being hidden behind bookcases and the secret to opening them is... just attempting to read a book off the shelf. What an absolute burn on librarians and their livelihood