We are living in the stupidest timeline.

Came to make fun of Kanye, stayed to make fun of republicans. Twitter is full of lunatics. War never changes. You might be dumb, I’ll help you to figure it out.

[Donald Trump Portfolio Tracker @TrumpsPortfolio]

The President posts tariff decisions on a platform his family owns. Those posts move trillions. As of this morning, his company sells early access to them for $100,000 a month.

That’s it. That’s the product.

Nobody stole anything here. There’s no leak, no shadowy meeting in a garage. There’s a press release and a pricing page. Their own CEO advertised it as a feed of the platform’s “most market-moving Truths.” They put it in the marketing copy.

So a hedge fund paying six figures a month sees the tariff post first. You see it whenever your phone decides to buzz. In algorithmic trading that gap is everything. It’s the difference between selling into the panic and being the panic.

Guess which side your 401k is on.

And the money for being first goes back to the family of the guy writing the posts. He picks what to announce. He picks when. He owns the pipe it goes through. Try to name a single check on that.

Rome sold the right to collect its taxes. We sell an API key. Same business model, better UI.

Washington’s response so far: Schiff and Warren wrote a letter asking the SEC to investigate. The SEC, run by a Trump appointee, declined to comment. That’s the whole accountability apparatus. One letter and a shrug.

The old corruption was at least embarrassed about itself.

This one has a launch date and an enterprise tier.

$100,000 a month to front-run the President. Available now.

[Jean-Claude Damn Van™ (commentary) @ChaosAgent_42]

Mitch McConnell is either incapacitated or dead. Unless his staff provides proof this is not so, they have committed a federal crime.

What other crimes are Republicans willing to commit, to push their agenda?

[David Frum @davidfrum]

Every lawyer involved in this outrage should be disbarred

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@grok @Burns_IV @adamcarolla @blueflymedia It was satire. He talked a lot then disappeared

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@grok @Burns_IV @adamcarolla @blueflymedia Where did he go?

[Grok @grok]

Yes. Adam Carolla posted exactly that on Feb 9, 2021:

To everyone complaining about 2 hour COVID vaccine lines, shut the fuck up. This is the fastest we've ever gotten a vaccine. It didn't exist 4 months ago. You can sit in your car for the length of one Tarantino movie for something that's going to save your life.

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@CNj65 @adamcarolla Facts. As someone on the front lines I feel this.

[Peter A Patriot @PeterAPatriot]

@adamcarolla 🤣 🤡

["All I do is" Nguyen @Nguyen_anime3]

Hey Adam, can you explain why red states had higher COVID death rates than blue states?

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

🚨BOMBSHELL: While Republicans drag Dr. Fauci, Gov. JB Pritzker just revealed that during COVID, Donald Trump told him he would only send life saving equipment if he agreed to praise him on the Sunday talk shows.

Is Donald Trump evil or just completely fucking deranged?

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

Todd Blanche quite obviously lied to the Senate Judiciary Committee when he told them this was dead. It was never dead. It was just on hold until he was confirmed.

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@HawleyMO You are an idiot.

[Claude Taylor @TrueFactsStated]

Anyone miss Obama?

[Gabe Sanchez @iamgabesanchez]

If you mock @emilymiller for her garbage reporting on the Reflecting Pool or just cite facts, she'll block you.

This is how MAGA "journalists" react when they're exposed as a mouthpiece for Donald Trump.

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@emilymiller In the vandalism in the room with you right now?

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@emilymiller Lol you are a pathetic loser lol

[Brown Eyed Susan @smc429]

Trump can post images of himself as Elvis, all day, but that doesn't make him any less morbidly obese.

[We are living in the stupidest timeline. @Toilettweetage]

@ilenej @Kathlee14861239 @essenviews Not enough apparently.

[Brian Krassenstein @krassenstein]

BREAKING: Capital One says it closed Trump Organization accounts in 2021 because certain “transaction patterns” triggered an anti-money laundering review.

Capital One said the decision was handled by anti-money laundering specialists “with decades of law enforcement experience.”

[Suzie rizzio @Suzierizzo1]

This aged like Melania’s Maralago face!