Token but not token cripple

Old 'n' fat, flatulent cancer survivor, lacking in lower limb count (I didn't get the job as runner) and talks bollocks mostly.

[Ash Preston @TheAshPreston]

🇬🇧 WHEN BRITAIN USED TO BE A PROPER COUNTRY 🇬🇧

A proper thread about a proper country.

I see those nostalgia pages about the UK full of just old photos of towns looking grim whilst the author says something racist. So he's a proper thread celebrating when Britain was proper! 🧵

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

@scottbalcony The alopecia express, never late and always early, but thankfully no replacement bus service (can you imagine how that'd look).

[Welsh Bollocks 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 @welshbollocks]

Wales is currently in a very dangerous place. We don't have a fully functioning Princess in place. Wales faces an anxious few weeks. With a third of our kids in poverty, our heavy industry being destroyed, who will do that half-hour shift in a foodbank whilst being photographed?

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

Bad news for users of the Chinese takeaway opposite The Shambles, the fire department are in attendance.

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

Oh no, another free pint. Will I ever escape?

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

Bar staff's last shift down The Shambles, two pints and two shots in and not paid for a thing...

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

As one badly strung bale of hay to another I recognise game when I see it and that kiss goodbye had a bit more behind it.
Weight watchers for example, let's both make friends with Jenny Craig, etc...

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

My New Year gift to a number of local pubs is Asian Hooker on their internet enabled jukeboxes. Well worth the outlay.

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

@darthballs11 Them too for a good time.
I've strolled over the "normal" blood sugar level to be officially diabetic (I know, who saw that coming!?), and must now stop the rise.
😭

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

The news this morning that I will have to cut down (out) biscuits has hit me hard. There's a gaping hole in my diet that'll be hard to fill with dal, corn or rice snacks.
Bugger.

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

We're all up at The Child's this year and she keeps muttering "I hate cooking turkey, nobody likes it anyway".
I'm being helpful by staying "THE FUCK AWAY" from her and the kitchen.

[Trades Union Congress @The_TUC]

Merry Christmas!

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

But any old shite at any price, don't bother checking if it's fit for purpose it must be purchased.

[(((Dan Hodges))) @DPJHodges]

Actually, I’ll expand the question. Never mind just Labour MPs. Is there a single person anywhere in the country who at the time the pandemic was unfolding said “Sorry. The doctors and nurses will have to wait. We need to make damn sure we’re getting good value for money here”…

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

@davepaters The joy of taste bud destruction. Milk & dairy turned to earwax for me. It's bloody grim and I hope it gets better for you.

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

With all the media apologies for Felatio Johnson before he started giving evidence we should be grateful Laura Kuenssberg isn't still employed in prime time news

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

Artsy photo time of the year, before the council pollard the tree.

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

I've ordered some of those pigs in blankets crisps.
They better be nice is all I'm saying.

[Token but not token cripple @TokenNotToken]

Oh bugger. It's snowing here and as a crutch user it is my last favourite type of weather.
I used to get so excited as a bipedal child to see the snow fall and now as a unipedal adult my heart sinks.
Bugger.