Thomas Creedon

Listen unto me.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@NotlouisCk Also, if ANYONE has time to manage two apps, it’s Louis CK. It’s not like his blossoming career is going to get in the way.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@NotlouisCk Well, Elon Musk liked this, so you know you’re on the right side of history.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@Twitter @elonmusk I so sincerely hope that Thread marks the end of Twitter—and that Elon, like Ouroboros, chokes on the tail of his own ego.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@MarkTremonti I feel like this guy is a little TOO into his performances. Like, calm the fuck down, you’re playing with Creed and then Alter Bridge.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@billieeilish I love you and I hope you don’t want children, cause I don’t want children. But if you really want children, we can have children. But think about it first.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@elonmusk @ianmiles This is actually one of those bizarre instances where I agree with @elonmusk. If we facilitate legal immigration for the majority of immigrants who are aspirational, hard working, honest people, we not only provide sanctuary for those in need, but we build a better country.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@Wendys So I’m trying to get a date with the girl in the Wendy’s commercials…I assume this is the proper channel. Hook me up.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

Hey, so apparently I can win @lukecombs concert tickets with a $5 lottery ticket. Or, you know, $100,000. Real Sophie’s Choice there.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@UberFacts Any claim made by or perpetuated by Elon Musk.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@elonmusk @therabbithole Thank God @elonmusk had enough kids for all of us.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@JaredLeto So besides being the worst Joker and a probable cult leader, how’s your resume looking these days?

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@drpepper Oh, for sure I’m following up on this. This is a matter, like all matters of soda, that is very close to my heart and stomach. Check your DMs.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@drpepper I just pulled a sealed, empty can. Is this like some Willy Wonka thing? Do I now own the Dr. Pepper factory?

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@elonmusk @EndWokeness It’s a good thing readers can add context, because the CEO and Lord Ignoramus of Twitter can’t be bothered to check his information.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@mehil Gosh, those were the days…

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@elonmusk @wholemars Yeah, because when I think of affordable, efficient vehicles that may or may not burn you alive, I think of Tesla. New slogan idea- “it might not even kill you.”

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@Tool After more than 3 years, I’m almost finally finished listening to 7empest.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

Hey, so @kfc has been around since 1952, but I guess they just now figured out nugget technology? Kind of like how they only got French fry technology pinned down a few years ago? At this rate, they’ll have napkins in 2043.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@Tool “Hey, you know how stuff happens? Uhm…not this time” -board meeting for Fear Inoculum.

[Thomas Creedon @TomHasSpoken]

@elonmusk @ylecun I think @elonmusk is the greatest science fiction threat of all. It’s like an AI gained sentience, then succumbed to narcissism, and then just didn’t stop fucking tweeting. Lovecraft couldn’t write a better monster.