Blue Maven

I'm an acquired taste. Jokes I make tend to be offensive and not funny at all :0 Surfing, sports, and the sweet, soothing sounds of Pantera. Love it or leave it

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

The little red light on the slurpee machine that says 'DO NOT USE WHEN LIT' is pissing me off right now

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

If only I could train my dog to poop right into the doggie doo bag.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

@ders808 No, although that is a good guess. It was actually the world's longest and most expensive Abercrombie & Fitch ad. I read that in Forbes.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

It's the photo that @ElonMusk doesn't want you to see!

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

Orange?

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

Wouldn't it be great if cars ran on urine, and all you had to do was take a piss in your car?

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

NEW FAVORITE THING TO SAY AFTER I FART:

Oh, before I forget - the burrito I had for lunch earlier today wanted to say 'hi' to you.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

The gym radio just went from Metallica to Backstreet Boys... xD

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

YOU: Why do you make so many fart jokes?

ME: I'm sorry, maybe you prefer dead baby jokes?

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

I think people piss on the toilet seat when both their brain and their penis are too small

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

You can tell that I really care about someone when I start letting my farts out silently around them.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

Just so you know - dressing up in workout clothing and driving to Dunkin' Donuts first thing in the morning probably defeats the purpose, but maybe you can break even if you actually work out

[Dane Cook @DaneCook]

2025 has those fuck me eyes

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

Why in the world would you want a sexy Roblox character? Maybe you should try playing Saints Row or GTA. I mean, you're basically jerking off to a pair of tits made out of Legos.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

NEW FAVORITE THING TO SAY AFTER I FART:

I call that one, 'Symphony in F# Major' - hold on, there's an encore

[Deftones @deftones]

One week. Stream our DDLD V playlist, curated by Chino:
https://t.co/gq4pPDkPRN

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

I wonder if Elon Musk will give a million dollars to me if I make a meme about him giving a million dollars to me.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

I once told someone that I was celibate and asexual. They said, "One day, you'll get desperate."

Clearly, they missed the point of that dismissal.

[Blue Maven @TomboyInASkirt]

Who is this Jeff Bezos guy anyways? I always thought his name was Jeff Besitos, my bad.