ᴛᴏᴍʟɪɴ

Professional syntax manipulator.
King of the midwives.

[ᴛᴏᴍʟɪɴ @Tomlinator]

Unless it's to deal with an emergency, the perpetrator of this criminally abysmal parking (blocking 85% of the Greenway) brings great and profound shame upon their family. @ShitChester

[FC Gortz @NeilGortz]

Happy ‘screaming partially muscled skeleton’ day to all who celebrate.

[FC Gortz @NeilGortz]

Happy Walking Circulatory System day to all who celebrate.

[ᴛᴏᴍʟɪɴ @Tomlinator]

@chrismacmaster That slaps

[MADNICE @djmadnice]

If anyone is alone and has no-one to spend Christmas with this year, please let me know because I need to borrow some chairs.

[ᴛᴏᴍʟɪɴ @Tomlinator]

@chrismacmaster Thank you

[That’s So Village @ThatsSoVillage]

So another wonderful season of cricket comes to an end here in the UK.

Time to recap a few of the most village moments of the year. A thread —

[chris macmaster @chrismacmaster]

One more punt for this seasonal post: Yves Montand > Miles Davis > Irresistible Force

[Michael Fry @BigDirtyFry]

But it was revealed that a runner 30 years younger than him has been placed on the island by mistake and is now trapped alone on the island with the presenter. A spokesman for the Channel said “This is the one thing we didn’t want to happen”

[Glenn Moore (Insta: @glennrogermoore) @TheNewsAtGlenn]

BOSS: Have you sorted the competition prize money? £12,000 isn’t it?

ME [CLEARLY WEARING A BRAND NEW £76 BANDANA]: Yeh something like that

[ᴛᴏᴍʟɪɴ @Tomlinator]

#jesuswept

[Hbomberguy @Hbomberguy]

I am begging you to listen to the cyberpunk backing music in the home office's announcement they're banning katanas

[Noely @NOELY1982]

I have one 11/9 stories
We were working on number 1 deansgate in town and were watching it on the screen at the printworks
Our engineer in a panic said he has to go his daughter is an air hostess
Turns out she did the easyJet Liverpool Alicante run

[ᴛᴏᴍʟɪɴ @Tomlinator]

@ArkasiaConcept Absolutely epic, this guy NEVER misses🎯

[Contemplectomy @coral_dew]

[optometrist interrupts me] the bigger letters aren't louder

[chris macmaster @chrismacmaster]

Bluesky's where it's at

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

Babe get in here. The 20th Century Fox logo has a foreboding tint

[hikerdelic @hikerdelic]

Win one of our limited @hikerdelic x @JoshPughComic t-shirts.

To enter, just RT.

Available now to pre-order at:
https://t.co/YG3qLQtGeg

Winner announced Tuesday 9pm.