Tommy

After Tonight: Let's all try to play it cool.

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

Anything I should know before diving into their catalogue?

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

Turns out wearing fast fashion doesn't buff your movement speed

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

Tom Cruise will get a buzz cut by 2027. I repeat, Tom Cruise will get a buzz cut by 2027

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

Thank you so much for reminding me. I stupedly forgot what a hero you are

[Rob Schneider 🇺🇸 @RobSchneider]

Just a reminder of who stood up for @Shanemgillis when the Woke SNL show (stupedly) ‘unhired’ the tremendously talented Shane Gillis over a joke on a podcast…
They did Shane a favor:
Now he sells out stadiums!

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

The rent is so frozen in New York that I saw a stockbroker spooning with Zohran Mandani

[Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @NYCMayor]

It might be hot outside but the rent is freezing.

[Shane 🦧 @TheMonkeyJungle]

Remember being in 3rd grade, playing Frasier at recess, and there was always that one kid who’d yell “I call being Eddie!” before you even got started

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@souljaboy I’m a DJ building a sonic mix that will help heal the world, and I would use the 250 on processing fees to expunge my criminal record 🙏

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

This is the only way men know how to hint to everyone that their birthday is coming up

[pavlo @LaughterHaver]

staying up all night to turn 27 like a kid on Christmas except when the clock strikes 12 I just grab my revolver and do something funny

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@DPD_ She was

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@robbiegoodwin Where is that?

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

My Hantavirus jokes are aging worse than the infected rodent feces in my fridge

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@sasimons That’s the kind of nasty attitude that will keep you blogging transcripts of History Hyenas for many years to come

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@jasonwblakely The famous resistance song “Hello, Goodbye”

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@latenightercom 48 minutes on me me me

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@ConanOBrien Brutal mogging in this photo. We get the message

[Jimmy Fallon @jimmyfallon]

“There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@FranziaMom Not Turning Off, Got Nuffin, Don't You Evah, Do You

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@latenightercom Pronouncing it like he's never heard of a pina colada in his life

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@latenightercom Sorry bro can't make it

[Tommy @TommyAfters]

@robbiegoodwin Glad to have you