Evan Carpenter

Just a guy standing in front of the internet asking it to love him.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Battle Ai with literacy!

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Something happens when the egg meets the chorizo that modern science cannot explain.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Not a good time to practice my sling blade impression whilst grocery shopping.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Been walking around my house telling people how selfless I am! They’re not getting it..

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

The little elaborate cooking videos where there just making a cheeseburger is getting out of control.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Only the avatar master of all four elements could open the strait of Hormuz, but when the world needed him most he vanished!

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Hipsters be like *I had the parasite before it was cool*

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

I’m not looksmaxxing but I am snacking.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

I live my summer, one popsicle at a time.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

I’m like a magician to my kids. They’ll be in the back of the car saying I’m hot and I’m thirsty! Then I tell them look in your cup holders, insulated water bottles!

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Cleaned the whole kitchen before my trip. That way if any burglars come they’ll have clean dishes to eat off of!

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

@joeroganhq You should hold a sweepstakes containing all JRE knowledge for people to fill out and then get the person who wins an interview.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Remember that kid that would sit at the bottom of the slide at recess? Can’t help but think they had it alll figured out.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Gobs of butter? That’s a unit of measurement right? Gobs

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

When you try to get em back but can’t think of anything cause your feelings are so hurt….

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Love checking the mail on trash day! You can put the mail right where it goes! Cut out the middle man so it were. 😉

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

SF figured out the gender neutral bathroom thing. The homeless solved it. Every bathroom is locked.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

I hate to see clickbait if I’m honest

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

So when Celine Dion said “there were nights of endless pleasure” I can only assume she slept well. That would be a night of endless pleasure to me.

[Evan Carpenter @Tootinberg]

Catching strays or catching vibez is a mindset.