Bananas Foster

D and C are a writer couple. Bananas Foster is their imaginary frenemy. When D says something amusing as Bananas Foster, C chronicles his Twitticisms here.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@sisario Beatles are pretty good, are they, sonny?

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@thegridkid …which isn’t to denigrate the Bee. It’s a favorite part of most days.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@thegridkid “Urticaria.” Perfectly good word.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@jk_rowling Oh, no. Say it isn’t so, Jo.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@thegridkid Life would be happier for this insomniac (and, I’d bet, many others) if Spelling Bee dropped at midnight ET.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@elonmusk It’s OK if you just want to be heard. But if you’re sincerely asking, I’d be pleased to offer some thoughts. You’re right to value your intelligence and progressive thinking. Only there’s more.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@elonmusk I don’t hate you—and I certainly wouldn’t support violence against you. But I’d be pleased to offer a few thoughts if you’d like to hear.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

D: We’re besties.

C: Mmm.

D: And worsties.

BF: I’m wearing pasties.

D: He doesn’t look bad. Sort of like Charro.

C: Don’t forget “oldies.”

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

C: You look so cute.
D: You gave me a good haircut.
C: Now I know: Start from the bottom to the occipital bone, then down from...
BF: Yes, the occipital bone, where I’ve pounded you so many times.
D: He’s a vicious ape even though he’s well read. Sort of. I mean: ...Elliot.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

BF: Get put of here, pish face.

C: What?!

D: We should never have let him have alcohol and rare beef.

BF: It was medium well, you son of a b!tch!

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@ginapanettieri Maybe they made a last-minute substitution because of the soft-cheese recall.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

D: ...apparently, they have multiple spouses.

BF: Mr. B, I’m practicing polygamy.

D: That’s scrimshaw.

BF: It’s similar.

D: He’s going to be bitterly disappointed.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

@ErikSherman I discovered them in Boston 😄

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

[We buy Maison du Chocolat candy for our anniversary]
BF: Oh, look. I’ve been invited to a French truffle tasting!
D: No, you...
BF: I’m RSVPing. Or just “P” ing
D: He can’t contain himself. Foster, what would we do without you?
BF: Live in peace and safety, I imagine. How boring

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

BF: I’m eating your pizzas.

D: They’re frozen.

BF: I don’t care.

D: He doesn’t.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

[We buy Maison du Chocolat candy for our anniversary]
BF: Oh, look. I’ve been invited to a French truffle tasting!
D: No, you...
BF: I’m RSVPing. Or just “P” ing.
D: He can’t contain himself....Foster, what we do without you?
BF: Live in peace and safety, I imagine. How boring.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

BF: It’s almost Valentines Day. What are you going to get me?

D: You’ve asked for ONE TON of candy?

BF: One *metric ton.

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

D: ...Fine. I guess I’m a jerk.

C: The first step is admitting you have a problem.

BF: The next step is buggery.

D: WHAT?

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

BF: They locked my Twitter account.
D: Why is that, Foster?
BF: For being an ape. And harassing Kate Middleton

...She knows why. They said they’d make me a duke
D: They said they wanted to duke it out with you.

BF: They said I’m another Prince Harry
D: They said you’re hairy!

[Bananas Foster @TopBananaFoster]

BF: ...Mr. B, you could play Harvey Weinstein—after the vasectomy.

C: A vasectomy doesn’t lower your sex drive.

D: Yeah, Foster.

BF: It does the way *I do it.

D: Ow! He’s right! I’m not thinking of anything else.