Crit

If at first you dont succeed, youre probably pretty average.

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

@jtsmit7 It could be argued that sneakers are, in fact, more stable on the greased hardwood than any other footwear. Remarkably unnoticed stain on the industry.

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Dogs are HIGH KEY the white priveledge of all non-verbalizing mammals. It’s even close. Cats are 100x harder. Wonder if they got the day off

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Do people with repulsive gages in their ears exclusively mate with those that also have repulsive gages in their ears? More than likely

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Cautiously optimistic that these Tinder broads have had sense of humor for the last 12 months or the face tarp may have to remain on #ConnectionProtection

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Obituaries could be a cash cow in the commercial news space if they would Just. Include. The cause. Of death. #INeedToKnowIfThereWasFoulPlay

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

@TheYellowMamba5 We all know which/who is worse. But we’ll pretend otherwise

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

If you cried bc people went to the beach this time last year, just keep your opinions to yourself mate

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

@mhdksafa Just shut the fuck up Mohamad

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Allow your wife to get plastic surgery

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Happy Friday, you weird fucking lunatic @NYGovCuomo

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

@jts1254 I, like coach Colin, prefer my QB1 studying film 24/7 in the month of MARCH instead of relaxing with his wife admiring the the night sky.... what a LOSER

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Is there ANY clinical research out there proving that battery-powered, oscillating toothbrushes clean your teeth better than a hard scrubbing Crest stiff-bristle??? My guess? Probably not #ProcterAndShambles

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Sup @JLPegula

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

The fact that fast food employees are given “uniform shoes” is weird enough, but you’d think that @McDonalds could give their low-wage employees some cooler sneaks than those pov ass all black Dr. Scholl’s prison shoes

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

@ShriverChris If I learn to finish as well as Rivers in my lifetime, I’ll have enough support to start my own political party (assuming only daughters or trans-sons)

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Folks, we all witnessed history today. Everyone can sit back and finally reflect upon the magnitude of today’s events, further proving to young boys and girls everywhere that anything is possible with dedication and teamwork... happy retirement Phil Rivers 🙏❤️

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Wow! What an incredibly impressive calculation made by the experts. I’m not one for hypotheticals, but THIS hypothesis seems to have DEFINITELY considered all contributing factors of surviving influenza. We should all wear two masks until April and save 100k lives!!! #patriot

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

I know masks have become a partisan issue — but it’s a patriotic act. Experts say wearing a mask from now until April will save more than 50,000 lives.

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Times up (again), you fucking tool @NYGovCuomo 🤡

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

@derekobrien21 Hats off to the media for their “good guy” selection. They used to call this award the Walter Payton man of the year but it looks like that’s being reserved for the likes of Myles Garret these days

[Crit @TophmanTweets]

Pete Davidson