tor💗💜💙

vacuum full of potting soil and cat litter || stupid, hot || ☉libra ☽aquarius ↑aries

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

had a borderline transcendent experience consuming four (4) soy chicken tenders after getting covid and being unable to consume solid food for almost a week. saw god in the bottom of a bag of gardein.

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

me when niko asks me what i want for dinner

[Panko A. Cat’s Mom @fatfatpankocat]

The beast craves taco salad

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

getting back on twitter to announce that i just got foot fetished at god’s own wawa at 7:49 am… i was wearing my slippers and some construction guy goes “oooo somebody’s got their pretty little toes out today!! for free, mama?” in front of the sizzlis :(

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

from someone so recently reformed from “I don’t know how I’ll ever live with a partner/my solitude is invaluable to me” I SURE GET MAD WHEN NIKO SITS TOO FAR AWAY FROM ME ON THE COUCH

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

“the grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day” yeah and she’s fuckin PISSED ABOUT IT

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

what do i do about all the times my cat does a big stretch when i’m not around to see it? how do i know how many times i’ve missed telling him that he did a big stretch???

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

i need to see a psychiatrist because i believe i may have adhd

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

PRESSING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON MORE TIMES DOES NOT MAKE IT COME FASTER AND ALSO THEY SHOULD UNIFY WHICH SIDE OF THE ELEVATOR THEY PUT BUTTONS ON SO I DON’T HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL EVERY TIME AND THEY SHOULD ALSO UNIFY WHICH SIDE OF THE CONTACT CASE HAS THE COLORED LID

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

fucking COLD ASS WATER is absolutely unbeatable

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

hate it when i forget i have basic human needs

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

redownloaded twitter exclusively to tell you all that toasty garlic bread crumbs on top of your pasta is a superior eating arrangement to eating it with garlic bread (also bread crumbs over croutons in your salads) and also i am always correct about everything

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

a song lyric i sing constantly is “got a white boy on my roster, he be feeding me pasta and lobster”

i’m in a committed relationship with a black man and i’m a diabetic vegetarian. literally none of those things are true.

there is no white boy, there is no roster. i am lying.

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

me, searching for my drunk boyfriend in target: have you seen a very tall, very stupid man? he is unfortunately the love of my life

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

i’m not getting married, i’m just thinking about the nightmare it will one day become

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

just. absolutely demolishing those grapes. just fuckin em up. he truly made those grapes his bitch.

[tor💗💜💙 @ToriBeth_10]

my cousin mortimer is a tortoise and tonight he committed some wartime atrocities to some grapes