Tracy Jordan

whats on my mindgrapes

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I agree @theRealStephenHawking. Women are not funny. Never have been. Never will be. #plotpoint

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

Laughter is the best medicine. Except those pills that keep me alive every day.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

They say you are what you eat. So today I'm a battery, and bottle of Tums.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

Believe in your dreams. That way, you can fight zombies with Shrek and Martin Luther King Jr.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I was just told that A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush is NOT just a vintage porno.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I finally understand the ending of The Sixth Sense. Those names are the people who worked on the movie!

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I can't believe the LORAX edged me out to be the new Diabetes spokesperson.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

IT'S LEAP DAY! Send me pictures of your yellow and blue. You don't even wanna know how I'm wearing it... #LEAPDAY

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I'm bringing my grandma to the #Oscars tonight. I just hope the urn doesn't break.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I gave up medicine for Lent. Don worry, its ton eb grape

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I WILL find whoever is rubbing ash all over people.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. They have TERRIBLE gum hygiene.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

It's Friday night. So I’m going to say to you what I say to all my sharks right before they die: “Let’s go outside.”

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

If you can't stand the heat, take your head out the microwave.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

Jack Donaghy gets animated with Michael McDonald, @TheRyanAdams @DonaldGlover & @CeeLoGreen for the SUPERBOWL. http://t.co/jM9eABFY

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

I just took a real age test. It said I'm dead.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

RIP NotKenneth
http://t.co/odcotWaO

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

@DoctorLSpaceman My urine is pretty much kool aid and battery acid, so feel free to improvise.

[Tracy Jordan @TracyJordanTGS]

Keep your friends close, and Sasquatch even closer.