Trevor Peterson

Cave Dweller. Lover Of Dips.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"I don't care about all of that. I just want the best." #bday #food

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

Dear solicitor - saying, "nice pecs, dude," is not the way to get me to talk about hungry children.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"I got him to start weight training." -- These really smart people next to me talking about one of their 10yr olds.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"You got an email?" "No. No one has emails." -- These really smart people next to me talking about emails.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"It was the most dumbest call in football." - These really smart people next to me talking about sports.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

I mean when that ball missed the end zone and bounced back to that guy near the hoop, but landed in the hands of that caddy near the dugout!

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

@WhitneyCummings

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

These fat, old security guards at CVS make me want to steal something so I can see how long they would last in a chase.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"I dragged her there because I wanted a chopped salad. But, guess what? They were out of avocado!" #LA

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

@WhitneyCummings Please remember what the judge said -- 100 yards.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

Mom : "What's that thing called -- ecoli -- where you put a picture up and it means something?" Me : "Emoji?" Mom : "Right." #bacteria

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

I don't have a baby but dropping my new iPhone on the street really felt like I had given birth and dropped my newborn on the black cement.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

An old man sat naked next to me in the steam room in the cross-legged position. I can now say I've seen everything.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

I love eye contact -- but not the kind that happens when you're eating alone directly across from another guy eating alone.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"When it feels scary to jump, that's the exact time you need to do it. Or else you'll live the same way forever."

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

When the cashier at Chipotle says, "Good to see you again," you immediately question every choice you've made in your life up to that point.

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"Try looking more lovingly at her. That was a bit too Dexter." -- STORY OF MY LIFE

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

Why do people in line always stand SO CLOSE to each other? I'm gonna bend over real quick so the guy behind me can meet my butt. #match.com

[ArcLight Cinemas @ArcLightCinemas]

"Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself." - Good Will Hunting (1997)

[Trevor Peterson @TravisPeterman]

"You can't observe everything if you move fast." -- what a little girl said at the park after her sister screamed, "hurry up!" #childwisdom