Hitting The Trifecta

Writer, sit-down comedian, stay-at-home raconteur, truck stop aficionado, fountain drink sommelier, fluorescent light appreciator, opinion sharer, and essayist

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

TW: Gun violence, murder, extreme satire. No one should read this.

“We can keep our guns and reduce the randomness and terror of unexpectedly losing our family members. Shooting your own kids is the best, if not only, rational solution.”

https://t.co/pO93xOyicr

[George Takei @GeorgeTakei]

If you get this, you are probably over 50.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@NoContextHumans Chimichanga, Chinese Food, Pizza.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@DominionEnergy Perhaps I'll pay my bill in a similar "plausibly deniable" fashion. Oops! Wrong checking account, that one's closed. I'll send you a new one. OOPS! Wrong address. I'll send yet a third one. OOPS!

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@DominionEnergy now on my 3rd day of sitting on hold for 1 hr+ each time, getting the runaround. My bill is 2-3x what it should be based on hist. usage. Your staff is useless. I can show literal numbers and they just say "it's summer." No shit. I'm comparing summer to summer.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@DominionEnergy Real master stroke sending me a dead link for your chat, then refusing to send me a new one until after your hard-working chatters go home for the day at 4:59 pm. Just an embarrassing company all around, aren't you?

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@DominionEnergy Thanks Mr. Bot. Not very sure that'll help, but I'll try.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

I think your business model is essentially (1) present a wrong (high) bill, (2) make the customer fight with an illiterate moron to no avail, (3) recognize we have no choice in electric service and (4) collect our payments all the same.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

The linkedin status thing that says "Jim Smith celebrates this" always makes me think of Office Space.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@ChastenLisa69 @EEM19781 “He is I and I am Him, Slim with a tilted brim. What’s my motherfuckin’ name?” Doggalatians 2:13

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@stclairashley Or they could just Google it. Not exactly as earth-shattering as you’re trying to make it.

[Dipsh*t 2 English Translator @dipshit2english]

“Liking things is gay.”

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@ModestMitkus 👋

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

If you’re tired of doing meth alone, try new Congregational Meth.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@Cobratate Did he also name you Sue?

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@Cobratate That’s called a “confession.” That’s how they work.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

“Fans want more scoring. What do I know. Here you fuckin’ go.”

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

“Ranch Water” always makes me envision putting some water in the Hidden Valley bottle to get the last bits out.

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

“Before I was married, I subscribed to a magazine exclusively focused on black holes. I can tell you, Floridians don’t want this kind of smut forced on their college students.” #blackhole

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

“Before I was married, I subscribed to a magazine exclusively focused on black holes. I can tell you, Floridians don’t want this kind of smut forced on their college students.” #blackhole

[Hitting The Trifecta @trifectablog]

@Family_and_Pets 🎶 and she weighs over 15000 pounds 🎶