Murder Most Moist

he/him soft-hearted and soft-headed

[Murder Most Moist @TripleKan]

Pleased to announce that after four months the cats has been named: Jefferson Airplane. Acceptable nicknames include Jeff, Jeffrey, and El Jefe.

[TexasRaptor @ MP @Texas_Raptor]

Jacked off into a menthol dude wipe and my ropes started crackling like a fish fry

[very tall bart @TallBart]

Batman: *hits delete on the Epstein files as the music swells* The truth would tear them apart

Alfred: yeh did the roight thing mista wayne

[Murder Most Moist @TripleKan]

@nyaaaaati I can’t believe you didn’t buy that dress, you look like a time-displaced Motown singer

[Boze Herrington, Library Owl 😴🧙‍♀️ @SketchesbyBoze]

Dolly Parton rose from poverty to stardom. She gave $500 to every student in her hometown who finished high school, she built hospitals and bald eagle preserves; her Imagination Library has gifted 300 million books to children. Roger Ebert once met her and came away thinking she was a literal angel. RIP.

[Club Giamatti 💫 @creamcheeselady]

fly high angel

[Murder Most Moist @TripleKan]

@goddammitsarah we love a girlie who uses her consumables!!!!

[Murder Most Moist @TripleKan]

@nyaaaaati oh is that a munchkin??

[esha 🍎❄️ @tyrantbaru]

the concept of wide audiences having to deal with a villain named mister sinister. time for my favorite post

[Sisaiah @Sisaiah96]

J. Jonah Jameson is a real ally.

[👁️👃👁️ @jestermaxxing]

This outfit was considered comically immature in 1996

[cigs @AngryVoter2024]

The Gatorade nipple cap used to be the only thing that could calm me, until I met you

[mike drinks beer @mikehunnidproof]

don’t cum on my face and tell me it’s raining

[para @sexyv1lla1n]

stole someone's chinese takeout and the fortune cookie said "you'll get what you deserve"

[Murder Most Moist @TripleKan]

@geckotailzz have you thought about working for ups, it’s nasty and physical but there is health insurance after a year

[Murder Most Moist @TripleKan]

@frogs4girls Me thinking “I should have been asleep half an hour ago so this is fine actually”

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

Bro you gotta try these wings, they are befuddling

[Buck @Buck36043Buck]

I mean if you’re Trying you’re Doing

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

2014 gf: (changes Skype status to “hmm.”)

2014 bf: u ok babe

2014 gf: Yes babe 😁

2014 gf: (changes status to “when u say ur ok but ur not.”)

2014 bf: status??

2014 gf: “huh??? oh lol it’s nothing I’m fine”

2014 gf: (changes status “some ppl will never know how u rly are.”)