Тристрам

100% unauthorized, vague & cryptic. When I tweet, a bishop kicks in a stained-glass window. На русском языке, bahasa Indonesia, og norsk også. कूटनीतिज्ञ.

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

Conspiracy theories are the common language of idiots.

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

I’m going to write a script for a horror movie that takes place entirely in a @Dulles_Airport #PeopleMover.

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

Shocked to learn that #Afroman was still alive.

[MD Driver in DC 🚙📳🚳🚷🏁 @MD_Driver_in_DC]

This is nice, but Marylanders who send their kids to DC Public Schools operate under different rules.

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

Calm down #MicrosoftAutoUpdate, there's no way you have six things. You haven't innovated in YEARS.

[Scottish Government @scotgov]

This #BurnsNight, First Minister @JohnSwinney and Makar @PadraigMacaoidh discuss the powerful words of Robert Burns, his influence and Scotland's Cultural sector.

Music from Kirsteen Harvey

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"We stand firmly by our belief that it’s more important for the press to maintain a hollow facade of impartiality than to risk seeming too biased against planet annihilation."
#McSweeneysTop24of24
https://t.co/DKqxfYh6gY

[Исторические Фото @HistoryFoto]

Туристы наслаждаются красотами озера Иссык-Куль. СССР. 1959 г.

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

#BlackFriday emails just get increasingly more desperate as the day goes on.

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

I hope this beacon finds you well

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

I dunno, Galadriel just seems so....*scripted*

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"The Dark Lord Sauron has promised to lower prices. No, he has not shared any strategy on how he aims to accomplish this, but it’s more about the way he says it. Also, the fact that he has run a successful enterprise in Mordor makes me trust him."
https://t.co/45xsVcw5CE

[Dagger Brown @DCDaggerBrown]

It’s true. I was eager to dine at this restaurant with the nastiest food and worst service in Georgetown until I read about a carjacking that took place 10 miles away in Capitol Heights.

[Charles Allen @charlesallen]

DDOT has filed its bi-annual report on speeding infractions on DC roads.

In 2nd half of FY24 (April1-Sept30), 870,834 tickets issued.

Most? MD - 344,972
Least? WY - 36

Unpaid tickets from that time: 447,177

Most? MD - 179,159
Least? WY - 9

Total amount unpaid: $93,873,982

[Soviet Visuals @sovietvisuals]

"Natural tea is a healthy drink" Soviet advertising poster, 1956.

[Charles Allen @charlesallen]

On my bus ride home this evening, I overhear the person behind me say “Oh man, DC finally passed a law to go after all those Maryland drivers!”

Yes, yes we did. It’s called the STEER Act. And it’s not limited to dangerous drivers from Maryland.

[Gary Shteyngart @Shteyngart]

This is fun, but I gotta go to Abdul’s house to eat a cat.

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

@ElizLanders https://t.co/l6KXuPZ3Fl

[Тристрам @TristramPerry]

@nprscottsimon @KamalaHarris https://t.co/l6KXuPZ3Fl