Trump Legal Team

Parody account of a parody President’s legal team

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

I have seen The Usual Suspects and can offer this summary of key findings:
1) Verbal Kint fully cooperated with the investigation
2) There is no evidence that Keyser Söze committed any crimes

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@washingtonpost In other breaking news, some in Klu Klux Klan fear being seen as part of a white supremacy group.

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

Good news! Crime is legal now!!

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

Poopy-di scoop. Scoop-diddy-whoop. Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop. Poop-di-scoopty. Scoopty-whoop.

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

This is not an order and therefore NOT obstruction of justice, which is not possible for the President to commit anyway. If it was an order, he would have sent him a DM.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

..This is a terrible situation and Attorney General Jeff Sessions should stop this Rigged Witch Hunt right now, before it continues to stain our country any further. Bob Mueller is totally conflicted, and his 17 Angry Democrats that are doing his dirty work are a disgrace to USA!

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@ce9461 @matthewamiller @ProgressDems Clearly a lie - there are only three of us!

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

Hey guys - look at that porn star over there!!! amirite? guys? https://t.co/q6Yte8F6pK

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@CillizzaCNN Damn. We thought you media guys would sorta just forget about that one!!!

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

Don’t forget, we also said that Trump fired Comey because Comey wouldn’t publicly say that POTUS wasn’t under investigation. Best. Legal Team. Ever. 👍 https://t.co/dYSAYPY8tE

[Manu Raju @mkraju]

In a matter of 48 hours, we’ve learned the president of the United States deceived the American public about his health in the 2016 campaign and about engaging in a scheme to pay off a porn star to silence her during the campaign

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

OK, so Trump is guilty of everything. Let’s all just move on? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

Hey, you don’t need security clearance to operate a shredder, OK?!? https://t.co/TZJyNmxu2C

[Intelligencer @intelligencer]

None of Trump’s personal lawyers working on issues related to the Russia probe have security clearance https://t.co/754r9Z3VD0

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

An attack on our country! Hey Trump voters - if the FBI can go after the President’s sleazy, highly-paid, fixer scumbag lawyer, they can go after yours, too! https://t.co/wYF7KkpIL8

[CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk]

President Trump slams the FBI raid on his personal attorney Michael Cohen's office and hotel room as a "disgraceful situation" and "an attack on our country" https://t.co/HhLPC4b7xR

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@voxdotcom Big undisclosed conflict of interest in this piece - we asked all 11 of these experts to join the legal team and each one said no.

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@chrislhayes False, Chris. Now please fork over $1 million under the terms of the contract I just made up.

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

We’re not worried at all. @LegalZoom, could you add a “Impeachment Defense” functionality? https://t.co/bQI8EYoUed

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

Hey, we aren’t virtual!!! https://t.co/YZN9tBRsf5

[Vox @voxdotcom]

Trump finds himself with virtually no qualified attorneys as he faces a big decision about whether to sit down for an interview with Mueller. https://t.co/bmzHj04G88

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@washingtonpost Not to worry - Don Jr. says he knows PLENTY of Russian attorneys who are willing to help out.

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

We are the top legal mind in the country! Anyway, @AlanDersh said he wishes he could join the team, but he’s busy washing his hair for the next year. And all the other good lawyers are already representing all the other good lawyers’ lawyers. https://t.co/o7V8a4Kam0

[The New York Times @nytimes]

President Trump is struggling to find any top lawyers willing to represent him as he faces a critical decision: whether to give the special counsel an interview https://t.co/lF9xpnDI05

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

YES! And O.J. Simpson was innocent! We have a spot open for you on the team, @AlanDersh. Many, many spots... https://t.co/H60YeBkR0e

[Fox News @FoxNews]

.@AlanDersh: "There seems to be nothing there at all. No evidence of collusion and collusion is not a crime."

[Trump Legal Team @TrumpLegalTeam]

@nasa_swiftious @elianayjohnson That is a great idea!