What Trump Did Today

The ultracondensed version of a blog bearing witness to one thing Trump does every day, on the day. (Click through posted links for the day's full account.)

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

You know how at the end of some movies, the hero will ride off into the sunset, but first he'll say, "If you ever need me again, I'll be there" or something like that?

Not me. Somebody else can write up President Ivanka! I'm out! SMELL YOU LATER AMERICA

https://t.co/JsqDan9dEp

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Today, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris declared victory, Rudy Giuliani held a press conference 200 feet from a sex toy shop, and Donald Trump went golfing for the zillionth time during his one-term presidency.

So really, everybody had a pretty good day.

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[Michael Beschloss @BeschlossDC]

The outgoing President of the United States in defeat, photographed at this hour on his golf course, Sterling, Virginia, by Patrick Semansky of Associated Press:

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

It's sickening, because this is #fakenews propaganda trying to subvert the election.

But it's ironic because he's actually incredibly unpopular with the troops.

But it's funny because he honestly thinks we'd think they loved him.

https://t.co/3c7oYZVVXK

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Where are the missing military ballots in Georgia? What happened to them?

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Did you ever go to a rock concert, and the band saves their biggest, most show-stopping number for the encore, and you're like, WOW, I thought it was intense before, but that was insane?

This was like that, except for lies and whiny conspiracy theories.

https://t.co/lAfT3vFwju

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Let's just say that if he had a vote for every Twitter joke made today about #HerebyClaim-ing things, he might actually start to like democracy.

But, you know, as things stand, stop the vote and all that.

https://t.co/17A1GUTYcg

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He said, "We want all voting to stop." You know, while he's ahead, in certain states, if you squint, and ignore ballots cast against him.

That said, I'm pretty sure it's a joke. If he were being serious, he'd have said "We never wanted voting to start."

https://t.co/RKzKkuvMMM

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He closed out his campaign by saying there'd be "violence in the streets" if SCOTUS didn't get wise and help him make sure that only the right ballots get counted tomorrow, hint hint.

Anyway, have a great Election Day, everyone!

https://t.co/9t1NdCnohf

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He announced his schedule for Election Day:

8 AM: meet with Republican candidates in the East Room

11 AM: security briefing

11:15 AM: lunch

7:00 PM: watch election returns on TV

7:05 PM: declare victory

7:07 PM: declare martial law

7:15 PM: bedtime

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[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

People say he's rude and ungracious, but he just thanked the Supreme Court in advance for all the rulings he'd need to win the election. Very polite!

https://t.co/Nhlu3MfAJE

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He said doctors were lying about COVID-19 deaths for their own selfish ends.

He also said doctors were huge tax cheats, that they paid other doctors for phony diagnoses to get out of Vietnam, and that they probably wanted to fuck his own daughter.

https://t.co/zECI4ftpCb

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He said criticizing him was "treasonous" and that "bad things" would happen to people who did it, including prosecution but maybe OTHER kinds of bad things, wink wink.

Just put a pin in that for when he makes his first mean tweet about President Biden.

https://t.co/yNqkYzud7c

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Have you ever heard the saying, "If you meet one asshole, you met one asshole, but if everyone you meet is an asshole, then you're the asshole?"

https://t.co/hfsvzemoNS

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

His campaign site was hacked by scammers promising to sell evidence that "completely discredits" him.

Wait, you can charge money for that? Well, shit, now you tell us.

https://t.co/jFW4kfTQuA

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

One of his own appointees resigned in protest over his attempts to force a loyalty pledge from civil servants.

Well, good riddance. ALL HAIL GLORIOUS LEADER TRUMP, AND MAY DEATH COME SWIFTLY FOR HIS ENEMIES! (Hey, I might want a government job someday.)

https://t.co/fCwDv2cJiG

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Good news from the Trump White House! The COVID-19 vaccine is here and everything will be fine.

Also, there is no vaccine and we're giving up.

Oh, and Mike Pence is an "essential worker" now.

Gotta admit, didn't see the last one coming.

https://t.co/MdX8ye52ID

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He voted early—

(that's good!)

—then told more lies about voting by mail—

(that's bad)

—and committed tax fraud in the process by claiming Mar-a-Lago as his home, in violation of a tax abatement saying it can't be used as a residence.

(that's Trump!)

https://t.co/xDQxs968no

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

He told seniors the US was "#RoundingTheCorner beautifully" on COVID-19, on the same day we set a new one-day record for cases.

The previous record was set yesterday, and in fairness, he said the same thing then. So, uh, he's consistent, at least.

https://t.co/CwpW7xAHEm

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

CORRECTION: We now know Trump's #60Minutes tantrum was not about distracting from COVID, the debate, Rudy, the polls, or anything else.

He really did just completely shit the bed in the interview.

Our mistake!

https://t.co/Re5FCNuvA6

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Today's post is about his attempt to draw your attention to his fake distraction feud with #60Minutes.

Given that we might otherwise have to talk about #RudyGiuliani today, we're okay with being distracted.

https://t.co/U0FcYShQT7

[What Trump Did Today @Trump_Today]

Shocking news: he said he would do something, but had no intention of doing it.

Click for details, but only if you're in good health and have a robust emotional support network to help you cope with the news that the president may be a wee bit dishonest.

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