hayden

[hayden @TuffBeggar]

I want fcps mashed potatoes and gravy :(

[Slumdog_Chillionaire @SlumRNA_Dog]

You get a little pussy here and there and win a few ping pong matches, wrestle with your sons, get to hit the lake occasionally, it’s not so bad.

[bayesian asian (42/50 paintings) @etirabys]

baby: stops playing and crawls into my lap, wailing gently and unhappily

me: aww. do you want me to make you be asleep? a skill you do not yet possess yourself?

[hayden @TuffBeggar]

The average person swallows ~9 airpods in their sleep every year

[Mia @boygrrI]

as a kid you relate to bart (rebellious and cool) but as an adult homer (fat)

[𝘖𝘯𝘺𝘹𝘏𝘰𝘰𝘱𝘴 @OnyxHoops]

You can only gain this level of precognition if your team brings you years of despair and anguish

[hayden @TuffBeggar]

Colonialism did kinda pop off with banh mi

[hayden @TuffBeggar]

@BurgerKing Nice

[hayden @TuffBeggar]

The entire D Day scene in Saving Private Ryan was unscripted. The actors’ reactions are genuine.

[ceciarmy @ceciarmy]

Este cachorro vivió la experiencia más loca de su vida

[꧁꧂ @eat5G]

an Idea can change the World ..

[kenzy peach @hotsmartperson]

The way Bruno Mars feels about luxury goods is the way I feel about the majesty of the natural world

[a 2nd meaner guy @SolidStapp]

yeah i got BPD

Buy Polar Disorder

[Nick Guerra⚾ @Nick_G30]

“WHERE YOU GOIN”

[Losing it @prophethusband]

“Oh no my stocks” Lol. Stupid ass

[will @twothickscoops]

(ordering Thai food) I’ll have a one out of five spicy—and a FIVE out of five YUMMY!

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee

[EMPRESS☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ @weapxngxrl]

Jamie hitting the Sweet Child O Mine was so sick lmao

[ava 🇵🇸 @wownicebuttdude]

Miller High Life at night, crazy ass white boys delight. Miller High Life in the morning, crazy ass white boys take warning

[🍃 @cardamomkiss]

Nothing quite like looking at the way someone else has loaded the dishwasher to remind you that the mind of another is truly unknowable

[v @Oimaclav]

if he pays for my nails i’m sending him a pic of my nails spreading my ass 💅🏼