Basic kindness should be given freely, but the highest levels of trust, loyalty, and commitment should be earned through consistency, respect, and time. Not everyone deserves the same level of access to you from the start.
Something someone said to me recently really stuck, especially for people who have a habit of going all out for everyone they meet and then end up feeling taken for granted.
She said, “Even God reveals Himself in phases.” He gives us a little, watches how we handle it, and then
reveals more over time.
I think there's wisdom in applying that to our relationships. It doesn't mean we should stop being kind or become cold-hearted. It simply means that not everyone should automatically have access to the deepest levels of our loyalty, sacrifice, and effort.
Unfortunately, I have to admit that I have not done my best. My current situation is a direct consequence of my incompetence. I suck at doing this life thing.
Here’s a piece of unsolicited advice for Men with money entering relationships:
A lot of your relationships fail because you started with an unsustainable version of you. Sometimes when we love someone, we try to secure that love through too much effort, attention, gifts, or availability too early.
“You can kill a new plant by watering it too much.”
The problem with doing too much too early is that your initial effort becomes the standard. A relationship that starts at 100 has nowhere natural to grow.
When you give too much too early, the relationship skips the stage where you 2 gradually learn to love each other in a realistic way. Your effort becomes your identity in the relationship.
So when you reduce that effort later, it feels like less love to the other person whereas you’re just dealing with life.
When you have money, it’s tempting to do too much too early. But it’s usually a bad idea even if you can afford it.
"A moving man will always meet his luck"
There is always that one special day, special year, special season, that Kairos moment that changes everything forever.