Tweeetmebad

Nobody likes an actual slut, just a slutty mind.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

Filters are Botox for the cheap and ugly.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

Jesus only had 12 followers.

[Chris☆in☆Africa @haymaker72]

If it's any consolation, you looked fucking amazing during your meltdown.

[Ponyboy @SiPowers71]

People make me sick, unless you cook them properly.

[ΚατPeach @unravelingfire]

I'll ask for nudes from cartoon avi's IDGAF.

[ΚατPeach @unravelingfire]

Calm down, things that require two hands.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

I definitely wasn't prepared for a pit stop. You know, tampon wise.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

When the chicken tastes like beef, you know you're on a winning streak.

[☥ ᎦᏞᎽ ℬᏒᎥᎪᏒ ☥ @BriarSlyMalice]

Try me on for sighs.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

The worst thing about Easter is getting the dog shit picked up in time.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

Hey butch chicks, we know it's easier dressing like a boy when you can't afford it.

[swollenvoice @swollenvoice]

I heard a kid on the playground call another kid a "Fart-Towel" I don't know what it means, but I'm gonna be using it from now on!

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

I'd fuck you if you're only fucking your wife.

[Richard Harris @RichHarris2]

People that have simple solutions for everything. Just no.

[DemonDastardly @mydmac]

If only my couch could employ me.

[Tweeetmebad @Tweeetmebad]

Whenever hubz pisses me off, I leave the dildo's in an upright position in our hiding place so he knows I've been using them without him.