Peter Muth

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

been spray painting the word “graffiti” in plain font everywhere

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Every FaceTime between my wife and her sister. One has a headache. One has a stomachache. They each complain until it is determined that neither has had a glass of water in three days.

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Come by anytime, my door is always closed and locked. but I’ll unlock it and open it once I see that it’s you.

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Have one of those ai song-making apps do one about how that very company is involved in financial crimes

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Everyone has talent. And I say this obvious lie to really say that if you lived for 300 years, some weird thing would eventually get invented that you were accidentally good at

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Send the nanny to the banker job and you take care of the kid

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

I believe in psychics but not their predictions.

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

You ever notice how certain days Facebook is like it’s 12 different people’s birthday today and other days it’s like it’s only 2 people’s birthday. Spread em out Facebook!

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Watching the Billy Joel doc. Throughout his life he somehow takes turns looking like Michael Keaton, Sylvester Stallone and Paul Giamatti

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Be the reason someone smiles today (but not just by telling them to do it)

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

[holds up Shazam to baby’s fart]

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

[guy who thinks tv characters from different shows having the same name is theft]

Elaine from Seinfeld is a ripoff of Lady Elaine from Mr Rogers

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Cavities as the next astrology?
When did you get your first cavity? Oh August 9th? that means you’re a jerk. January 20th? that also means you’re a jerk. They all mean jerk.

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

The Hardy Boys is short for the hard boiled eggs.

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

You always hear about northeast southeast northwest and southwest, but never eastwest or southnorth, has anyone else noticed this

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

The turning a noun into a verb in that very unfunny way ain’t turning-a-noun-into-a-verb-in-that-very-unfunny-way-ing

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

If I was at that school in Wicked, I would’ve taken notice of Elphaba’s singing over the magic.

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

I had a vivid dream that things were kinda foggy and unmemorable

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Topical greeting cards that don’t take a position

Luigi mangione shot that guy recently

Happy holidays

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

went Black Friday shopping for a computer to use on Cyber Monday

[Peter Muth @TweeterMuth]

Amon-Ra St. Brown vs. CJ St. Roud

#SUNDAYNIGHTFOOTBALL