Funny Tweets

Daily funny tweets :) P.S. I follow back :)

[Stumbler Top @StumblerTop]

me as a parent

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Mom: "What ever happened to _____? You used to be best friends!"

Me: "Fuck that bitch."

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

If you can’t handle me randomly blurting out song lyrics that relate to what you just said, we can’t be friends.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

That fear when you don't know what's coming next

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

#WhenIWakeUpILookLike

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My irrational childhood fear 😂

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My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where i don't even know if im kidding or not

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Teacher: You failed the test. Me: No, you failed to educate me.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

I really need to learn the difference between being hungry and being bored.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

How to tell someone their breath smells without hurting their feelings... "Well I'm bored, let's go brush our teeth!"

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

Without Facebook I would forget 90% of my friend's birthdays.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

Blowjobs in the morning. Call it a head start.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

Teacher: Email

Kid: My Email?

Teacher: Yes Your Email

Kid: Umm

Teacher: Well -____-

Kid: ._.

Kid: [email protected]

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

You know a story's going to be good when it starts off with, "so this bitch..."

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I believe in hate at first sight.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

I’m comfortable with you when:

- I’m weird with you
- I sing whatever song comes to my mind
- I say what’s on my mind
- I talk nonsense

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person is typing…
Person says: Hi

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

people: watch your language

me: oh shit sorry

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

Three reasons to stand up:
1. To get the remote
2. To go to the bathroom
3. Because you’re the real Slim Shady.

[Funny Tweets @Tweets21Funny]

i wish my phone would stop correcting “omg” to “OMG”…

i’m not that shocked