Tweets McGillicutty

what is this what have i done

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

So "Millennials" were born 1984-2004? As if a 32 y/o has anything in common with a 12 y/o

*checks Twitter*
ok yeah I get it now fair enough

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

A goddamn global pandemic couldn't bring us together, but all it took was ｍｅｍｅｓｔｏｎｋｓ to get immediate bipartisan support.

https://t.co/EJkdbXWFoe

[Ted Cruz @tedcruz]

Fully agree. 👇

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@bordslampa

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

*hedge funds buy risky short options with definitionally unlimited potential losses*

Trading platforms: Ah yes, the potential market risk is too high from those short options so let's restrict *checks notes* those damn Redditors.

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

Dang, French UPS go hard af...

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

So I was making a sandwich, when my ciabatta loaf kept telling me I was putting too much mayo on, and that the lettuce was wilted, and that there wasn't enough ham.

...apparently I had gotten a critical roll.

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

Well that's just rude, FaceApp...

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

This holiday season,

when buying a gift for the man who has everything,

give them nothing!

but take from them everything!!!!!!

*rattling spears in background*

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

I just learned rapper Joe Budden was actually born Joseph Budden and that's not a marijuana-inspired pun on former-Vice-President Joe Biden. I am hella shook.

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

"Life is really what you make of it."
-person whose life is a raging dumpster fire

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@zorawinfred (in all seriousness, academics differ widely on date cutoffs, but I'm using the Strauss–Howe generational model since they coined the term)

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

So "Millennials" were born 1984-2004? As if a 32 y/o has anything in common with a 12 y/o

*checks Twitter*
ok yeah I get it now fair enough

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@zorawinfred Didn't know @TheOnion had reporters out there tweeting responses to individual accounts now. Nice.

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@zorawinfred

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

*priest at my funeral*: The dearly departed left a final statement before he passed, thanking his sisters Olive and Dee...

*my mom*: ...Who??!

*me, sticking my my head out from the casket*: Olive... Dees... NUTS!

*quiet and mournful voice in audience*: Got eeeeeeeeeeeemm....

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@harmfulsweetz @SharonSki666 (in all seriousness, academics differ widely on date cutoffs, but I'm using the Strauss–Howe generational model since they coined the term)

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@harmfulsweetz @SharonSki666

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

@harmfulsweetz @SharonSki666

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

I really want to know whose job it is to review those forced "surveys" to read news articles.

"Sir, the results appear to show that 90% of our readers are females under the age of 7 with an average of twelve kids, thirty-seven arrests, and over a billion dollars in their IRA."

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

Oh.

*dejectedly puts toaster back on counter*

https://t.co/9U6Xfs27y7

[Tweets McGillicutty @TweetsMcGilly]

Happy inconsequential shifting of the arbitrary suffix to our seasonal alignment protocol, y'all!