Ty Colgate

Stand up comedienne looking for love in all the wrong places

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

Just got a job at The Weather Channel. Hmu if you want those 10 day forecasts on the free.

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

Just talked to one of my liberal friends and he told me they won’t stop until they have pronouns on the name tag at Bass Pro Shops

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

Call me optimistic but I’m feeling like the Green Party has this one in the bag tn

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

First they came for Shane Gillis,
And I did not speak—
Because I don’t watch SNL
Then they came for Vittorio Angelone,
And I did not speak—
Because I didn’t know he existed
Then they came for virtue signaling white guys
And I did not speak—
Because I was not Daniel Sloss

[SNEAKO 🇺🇸 @sneako]

Niggas in Paris are exploding the Eiffel Tower because baguettes cost too many euros but in America we do the cha cha slide for the Epstein files make it make sense

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

France is rioting because of trans women in sports. Please don’t look into it or fact check me.

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

@LeMaireLee Unfortunately the joke cooks. Best of luck on your next take :)

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

I want to make a joke about how I spent 2 weeks seeing most of the UK and now have to be in Orlando FL but unfortunately it’s no laughing matter

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

Me presenting a project I prepared 2 hours ago

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

For a small country UK truly has had some of the greatest artists in the world. Shakespeare, Paul McCartney, Bonnie Blue, etc

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

No idea why ppl are worried about ai. We’ll just get a head start on solving it like we did climate change

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

@eu53xua Could a boy be so lucky

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

I turned 30 and I haven’t stopped needing to piss

[Horse Who Is Going to be Okay @alyxiaBewbs]

my gf told me to cum and when i did she said "i didnt say simon says" and started beating me up

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

@chantybeluga Pilot here! We only do it when over international waters!

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

@eu53xua This one hits hard while being on an air France flight

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

Comedy Tip #653:
post all your bad sets to LinkedIn. That way employers know you’re looking for work

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

@mattgaetz Beautiful ratio here. You can’t even lie your way to a midterm win.

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

@PopCrave You know he means it because he’s reading off a teleprompter

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

Ed Sheeran about to set gingers back weeks

[Ty Colgate @TyColgate]

celebrating 9/11 the way I always do: yelling at a child because they weren’t alive that day