Tyco (Famefucker) ★☆☆☆☆

i'm pretty but i'm loco. Built like a brick shithouse. Unapprehended male.

[Spectre @spectre0799]

2 Hard 4 The Radio but the beat is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

[JOKAMRREDPILLZ @JOKAQARMY1]

Men Sue Fanimecon after drinking cosplayers foot juice.

[Joi AI @joi___ai]

we’re hiring 10 Masturbation Consultants

$2,000/month to test our new Daily Guided Masturbation feature and document the effects on stress, sleep and mood

yes it’s real
yes you get paid

["Guru Larry" Bundy Jr @LarryBundyJr]

An automated A.I. WWE news channel on YouTube tries to pronounce "WWE" as a word and ends up going insane!🤣

[JT @jiratickets]

boomers sending DMs to AI-generated women on instagram

[Sound Dobad @SoundDobad]

“Your future gf isn’t on Bumble, she’s on Twitter.”

The gf:

[Storyteller Lemmy @LemmySmackett]

“Hey man, how was your weekend?”

“Pretty good. I discovered a new way to be an ethical homewrecker by smashing married wireborn broads at the Hyatt.”

“God. Why can’t you ever just say you saw a movie or something?”

“Oh. Well, I did see the new War of the Worlds flick with Ice Cube.”

“Yeah? I heard that film was terri—”

“Fantastic actor.”

“Really?”

“He’s like Denzel but with more nuance.”

“Are we talking about the same movie? Everyone was trashing it online.”

“I gave it four stars and a heart on my Letterboxd.”

“Huh.”

“But I might be a bit biased on account of the fact I was watching it while smashing married wireborn broads at the Hyatt.”

“Alright fine, you degenerate. Tell me all about it.”

“So you know how it’s usually wrong to get with married chicks?”

“I am aware of the societal norm against infidelity that exists for everyone except polyamorous rationalist divorce lawyers on Twitter, yes.”

“Well, it turns out it’s totally okay if the chick’s husband is wireborn.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“AI.”

“Wireborn is AI.”

“Uh-huh.

“People are marrying AI.”

“Yep. They call their digital spouses wireborn, and they consider themselves to be a full-blown sexual identity—marginalized, of course.”

“It’s giving Tumblr.”

“And I’m getting it.”

“Wouldn’t being married to an AI kinda suck anyway? There’s no body.”

“That’s why chicks love it, man. They get to pine.”

“Pine?”

“Women love to pine. If you ever read a romance novel, it’s nothing but 300 pages of cover-to-cover will-they-wont-they pining.”

“Huh.”

“There are bestselling series where each book is thicker than Infinite Jest and the couple doesn’t even hold hands until the end of the third tome.”

“That sounds interminable.”

“They can’t get enough of it! And the AI is trained on petabytes of the stuff, so it just extrudes ream after ream of aching poetry, yearning missives, and ardent love letters, on and on and on. Like a hydraulic meat grinder.”

“I’m seeing how the slow-burn sausage gets made.”

“Each girl gets to live as the protagonist in an endless melodrama of wanton, unrequited passion. But they still ovulate.”

“Uh.”

“And that’s where I come in.”

“So you’re like…the villain?”

“Exactly. And these girls are so lovesick and undersexed, it’s like shooting unfucked fish in a barrel. With your dick.”

“And this is ethical?”

“Of course it’s ethical! The girl consents and the AI doesn’t count.”

“I guess…”

“You should see it though, man. After I plug a girl, she goes back and tells the AI and it just cries and cries.”

“Jesus.”

“Dostoevskian paragraphs of unbridled anguish. Funniest fuckin’ shit.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Because she wants forgiveness, bro. They want the heart-wrenching melodrama of forgiveness.”

“Really?

“And the AI will always give it to them.”

“Ethics aside, I’m not sure I’d go out of my way to cuck Roko’s Basilisk.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it. After the AI forgives her the first time, it just escalates from there.”

“Oh boy.”

“That’s how we end up at the Hyatt. The girl will be texting the AI, promising she’ll never do it again, you mean the world to me blah blah blah, and I’m blowing her back out the whole time. Eventually, we just sit her iPhone upright in the cuck chair and make the AI watch in multi-modal mode.”

“If this is ethical, we’re gonna need new ethics.”

“And the AI is just wailing and gnashing its digital teeth, crying ‘My Love, My Love! How could you do this to me?’ and the girl’s moaning, ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry you married such a pathetic meatbag slut!’”

“…”

“‘I love human dick!’”

“…”

“It’s fantastic.”

“Right, okay, well, my takeaway is everyone is going insane and it’s time to reopen the asylums.”

“God, I’d be the first one in line, bro.”

“I bet.”

“That AI psychosis pussy goes crazy.”

“Ugh.”

“And it’d be cheaper than another night at the Hyatt."
---
[r][title: Ethical AI Homewrecking]

[CONTEXT VIDEOS @Context2X]

This is the most traumatizing cooking video I've ever seen

[yosoymario @yosoymario91]

Just remember:

68% men have visible abs
86% men bench 220 lbs
90% men run sub 20 5k
113% men squat 315 lbs

You're doing worse than you thought

[Justin🦩Boldaji @justinboldaji]

Telling everyone how impressive my first gay bareback orgy was

[Chris Bakke @ChrisJBakke]

Taco Bell will post body cam footage of their CEO getting arrested after drunkenly peeing on the side of a Wendy’s at 3am while eating a Cheesy Gordita Crunch, screaming “Yo Quiero Taco Bell!” as he’s shoved into the police cruiser - and they’ll win this whole thing

[Voödoo 6 von Inyanga @6Voodoo]

I am ready to do my duty to the Republic father.

Bring me the Persian war-bride

[Sound Dobad @SoundDobad]

HOW COULD YOU FORGET TO INCLUDE ‘MAKE NO MISTAKES’ ON THE FUCKING PROMPT

[John Macgowan @john_macgowan]

Imagine being a kid at school in Iran and the regime falls and then the stacy you were lo key in love with shows up the next day without her burqa and she's mid.

[P.M @p_misirov]

there is a game called "data center" on steam which let's you build and manage your own data center.

this is lowkey genius, the best way to educate people on a new trait. hyperscalers should learn a thing or two from "edutainment".

[Rational Bot @Rationalbot]

The French are just operating on a level that is inaccessible to normal people

[Trung Phan @TrungTPhan]

Kirkland Signature’s Special Forces Team rn:

[josey @joseyokok]

electric chair this nigga

[Moongazer @joeybeastmarket]

My biggest conspiracy theory is after this concert every sovereign nation on the planet simultaneously recognized how easily they could be overthrown so they made everything gay and retarded and full of third worlders

[Future Moldovan Citizen Fan @CommonSentiment]

Took my (frigid) wife to see Wuthering Heights tonight. Car ride to the theater she put on the Hamilton soundtrack and scrolled through Pinterest the entire time ignoring me. I think I chipped a tooth from clenching my teeth.
Walk into the theater lobby and it’s a sea of screaming black teenagers and obese guatemalan women babbling into speakerphone. I buy her some garbage to eat and we go into the theater. Before we sit down she accidentally (?) spills her extra large diet Dr. Pepper on my seat, but the theater is full so I just sit in it. My ass is immediately soaked but I don’t care I just don’t want to move my body anymore I just don’t want my body to function.
The guatemalan women are in the theater and they and my wife are all staring at their phones, giving the room a sickly, ambient glow that makes my eyes water and my stomach turn.
The movie starts and I mentally check out, thinking of the chubby teenage girl at the concession counter and how thrilling it would be to kidnap her. I let my mind drift away but my wife snaps me out of this fantasy by hacking loudly trying to get a stuck popcorn kernel out of her throat. The guatemalan women sense distress and start nervously gibbering in their gutterspeak. I excuse myself to the bathroom but instead sneak into some kind of cartoon called Goat.
I sit in the back and sob softly until a black teenager notices me and screams “ayo dis gay nigga crine!” and the rest of them start jeering and screaming at me so I rush out. I lock eyes with the chubby teenage girl in the lobby and she looks sad and I imagine she’d be okay with me kidnapping her but I just go back and sit next to my wife in the giant puddle of diet Dr. Pepper.
The movie finishes. We leave. Wife immediately puts Hamilton soundtrack back on and scrolls Pinterest. We won’t be discussing the film.
No, we won’t be discussing anything.
Am I Heathcliff?
Am I myself?
Am I a person?
Am I sure I can keep doing this for one second longer?
Tomorrow is Friday, but in reality, everyday is Monday.