Tykus Gans

Stand-Up Comedian. Apprentice to Jesus. Chaos Boy.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

Not everything happens for a reason.

But nothing is wasted.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

My family has never been rich, but there was a brief moment in time when we had two fridges and three freezers. And that’s the closest I’ve ever felt to royalty.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@shad0w_fax To be fair there are some sitting in my pantry right now. I don’t always win the fight. Sometimes I choose happiness

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

Being an adult is staring longingly at the Little Debbie section of the grocery store and walking away sad.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

1. Dream big

2. Get it wrong

3. Dream again

4. Repeat steps as necessary

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

Earth, Wind & Fire is performing at FireAid

…

I mean…

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@SarahLiz2006 @jwblack1986 SO GLAD I HOPPED ON TODAY TO SEE THIS CONGRATTTTTTTS

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

From now on when people ask me what my favorite Christmas movie is, I will say “Carry-On”.

It is mildly amusing now; but in 10 years it will be hilarious.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

Just found out Guy Fieri doesn’t like eggs.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@_itsallgood_ 😔

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

This week’s SEC short is gonna go so hard

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@anonymoose7777 “Chunk”

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

Bill Hader: I’m gonna make and star in a show about a psychopathic hitman who murders countless people.

Also Bill Hader: So it’s a movie about a cat that wears a hat.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@LShalott Fear not, as a young I will carry the torch.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

All I’m saying is no one’s ever seen Simon Rich, Jesse Eisenberg, and Michael Cera in the same room at the same time…

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@riahthelee Drift Away?

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@youaretreasured Like just one bouquet would do the trick my guy

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@KelseyRyan77 So this is how the world turns bright young souls jaded and cynical

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

@anonymoose7777 Obviously. That’s not the question. The question is whether or not you *like* that your burger is hitting on you.

[Tykus Gans @TykusG]

Being an adult is just buying food from the grocery store and forcing yourself to eat it before it goes bad.