Tyler Schremp

Wannabe toy designer. Missed my 15 minutes of fame, now on the standby list.

[Stop the Nonsense @kasthomas]

A poem by my wife:

The tall pine is uneducated
The green know not French, Latin,Greek mythology, nor philosophy
And yet pruning of the daring sprout––
A formidable thicket forms
Glory is for surrender not survival for these green ones
They are the rare
That give their fruit sacrificial
The passive placating greenery
Sways in the wind no matter how subtle
And that brutal storm uproots with centrifugal force
But like the vortex strong
You have heart rendering vulnerability
You bleed your sap
Without draining the life force of another
Oh dear, I have forgotten all that was taughten to me
Old before,
The tree stands yore
It stays in one place
No eyes upon its face
No face upon recognition
Just forget all that you’ve learned
No more like the beast
That fights its way
Let it be like the tree that sways in passive decay
That’s one way to end with dignity
For no eyes can read, no ears can listen,
And yet we’re witnesses to all…
Forever green at heart.

[Tyler Schremp @TylerSchremp]

Today many Americans will attain that elusive goal of shitting pure meat.

[Tyler Schremp @TylerSchremp]

Someone tell @DalaiLama to quit being a dick and follow back

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I feel like senility is going to be a pretty smooth transition for me.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I'm just going to put this right here...

[Tyler Schremp @TylerSchremp]

Today I called a rotting grapefruit a jerk.

[Ashley Laurence @1AshleyLaurence]

Awww. Look at the KermIt Cenobite! #horror.

[Eric Weiss 🤘💀 @ZombieRiot]

You may not think it's funny, but I found this humerus. #horror

[Craving @calluptome]

If someone says you look familiar, tell them you're in porn.

[BAKOON @BAKKOOONN]

mariah careys song 'always be my baby' was about the lobotomized adult baby she kept in her attic

[knth @painted_eel]

what

[rachel @seasonal_menu]

my cat is constantly recharging on crystals and is extremely powerful

[knth @painted_eel]

@goat_wang

[Scott Linnen @ScottLinnen]

same

[NoWarranty @nowarranty]

If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.

[Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @Hormonella]

@KelFocker's favorite bedtime story!

[Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @Hormonella]

Today is the first day of your miserable, fucked up life.